Best Jokes This Week
One Liner Joke
Boy texted his dad saying
Boy:I got expelled
Dad: WHAT WHY
Boy: cos we had this lesson about bulling and the teacher said sticks and stones may break my bone but words will never hurt me
Boy: so I threw a book at her face and it broke her nose
Dad : lol that's my boy
One Liner Joke
There were three guys in a hot air balloon, one said "We have too many of these." And droped a piece of wood. The second guy said "We have too many of these." And droped a brick. The last guy said "We have too many of these." And droped a bomb.
On the ground was a police officer who found a guy crying, "Why are you crying?" "A plank of wood hit me on the head!" he replies. On the officer went. He then saw another guy crying, "Why are you crying?" "A brick hit me on the head!" he replied. On he goes then sees a guy laughing. "Why are you laughing?" He asked. "I farted and the building behind me blew up!"
Pick Up Line
One Liner Joke
Chuck Norris Joke
There were three guys, Poo, Shut up and Manners. Poo fell off his bike, Manners went to help and Shut up rang the ambulance. The ambulance co-ordinate asked " what is your name?" 'SHUT UP.' "I'm sorry, what is your name?" 'SHUT UP!' "Wheres your manners!?!" 'Over there, picking up Poo.
Mom: get up Liam, you will be late for school
Liam: but I don't wanna go, all the teachers and students hate me
Mom: you have to go
Liam: give me one reason why I should go
Mom: your 35, and your the principal
“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.
‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.
I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.
An old man was given a jar and asked to provide a sperm sample for his doctor. The next day he returned with the empty jar and explained, "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, then I tried with my left. I asked my wife to help. We even called up Arlene, the lady next door. Nothing."
The doctor was shocked. He said, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep," the old man replied. "None of us could get the jar open."