Best Jokes This Week
A pastor walked outside of the church because he heard the children being loud. He sees the kids all grouped up. "What are you doing?" The children make the circle wider to show a puppy they had found. "Its a beautiful dog, who will take it home?" The pastor asks. The children look at each other until one of them speaks up. "I know! Whoever tells the biggest lie can take it home! Would you like to play pastor?" The pastor shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know, it will be hard because I've never told a lie." The child picks the dog up and hands it to the pastor, "Here you go. You win."
One Liner Joke
Yo Momma Joke
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit the hotel bar. Upon arriving to the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied "Everything is big in Texas."
A little later the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and entered the third door. This door lead to the swimming pool and he fell in by accident.
Scared to death, he started shouting "Don't flush, don't flush!"
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He sees another guy drinking, and notices he is sitting next to a tiny person playing a piano on the bar.
"Nice piano player" the guy says. "Where did you get that."
The drinking guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lamp. "Here, rub the lamp and you will get three wishes." He says. "Just make sure you speak clearly"
The guy rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. "You have three wishes" the genie says.
"A million bucks!" The guy shouts, and with the nod of the genies head, one million ducks appear in the bar, quacking and flapping about."
Disappointed the guy says, "I didn't ask for a million ducks!"
His drinking buddy leans over and mutters, "Do you think I asked for an 11 inch pianist?"
my sister is so gullible. i told her that Nelson Mandela was the face of Uncle Ben's, that Donald TRUMP is the old guy version of boris johnson and that i slept with her friends mum.
the last one might be true