Best Short Jokes This Year
An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing. He asked the trainer that was near by, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I think you should try the ATM in the lobby."
A gay man goes to a bar, and the bouncer is explaining the dress code regulations:
BOUNCER: "That shirt has to go, you've got to lose those pants, that belt definitely has to come off, and you need to get rid of those shoes !!!"
GAY MAN: "Ohhhhh, Wonderful ... I'm dancing naked, again"
There is a husband and a wife. The husband dies, and during the funeral, the wife starts to laugh. Everybody starts to ask her why, and she says, "This is the first time that I know where my husband is going."
Use this joke on someone you hate xD
You: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Bitch: idk why?
You: To get to the annoying b*tches house, but wait I have another, knock knock.
Bitch: Who's There
A lady goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pains, and after many tests the doctor finally returns back to her with some results.
DOCTOR: Well, I hope you like changing diapers
WOMAN: Why, am I pregnant ???
DOCTOR: No, you have Bowel Cancer !!!
When a girl posts a picture of herself..
*Girl 1 posts picture*
Girl 2: Omg you're so (gorgeous/beautiful/cute)!
Girl 1: Thanks! I miss you girl! We should hangout soon!
Girl 2: Miss you too girlie! Yes we should!
Will these girls hangout? No they won't. The Cubs have a better chance to win a World Series than these girls have of ever hanging out.
An old man went to the doctor and said "I just have three wives" and asked a health care for his bladder-waist-loin pain. Then doctor said "thrice, you must divorce them".
-Ubayd Zakani(1300-1400CE, Iran), the Satyricon