Best Redneck Jokes This Year
Two rednecks were sitting in a bar discussing their favorite sex positions. One of them says, "I think rodeo would have to my favorite". The other one says, "I've never heard of that one, what is it?" So the first guy says, "You sit on your wife's back with your hands on her boobs and say, 'these feel just like your sister's' and then you have to try and stay on for 8 seconds".
An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.
The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"
The kid replies, "I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."
The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."
A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.
"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"
The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."
A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."
The old man cannot believe his eyes.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"
The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some pussy willow."
The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son...while I get my hat!"
So a woman walks into a bar with her goose and gets a drink, moments later after being there a drunk man walks up and asks her : "Where did you get that Pig" and She says : "I'll have you know this is a goose" and the drunk man says :" I know, I was talking to the goose!"
Redneck told wife- when are you going to Britain for your training , dear ?
Wife - next week darling. What gift should I bring for you from Britain? Redneck - Bring cute sexy british blonde for me.
15 days later wife returns from Britain. Redneck - where is cute sexy british girl, you promised me ?
Wife - wait for 9 month darling.
A redneck had become a major buyer of a furniture company in Alabama. The company sent him to buy some new lines of furniture in France, they gave him three days to buy the furniture. The redneck went over there on the first day and closed the deal with a furniture manufacturer, so he had two days left. He decided to go to a bistro and have some wine, he sat down had a glass and he sees a very good looking woman across the room and motions her so come over there, and the woman started to speak to him in french so put his hand up to hush her up, and he drew a picture of a wine glass and she nods her head and he orders her a glass of wine and they continue to talk this way, he then draws some food and she nods her head so they go to restaurant and he orders two plates of pasta and they continue to talk through drawing. When the redneck hears some music playing he draws a picture of two stick figures dancing, and she nods her head and they start dancing. So when they stop dancing the woman draws a picture of a four post bed, and till this day that redneck does not know how she knew he was in the furniture business.