Best Redneck Jokes This Year
Redneck told wife- when are you going to Britain for your training , dear ?
Wife - next week darling. What gift should I bring for you from Britain? Redneck - Bring cute sexy british blonde for me.
15 days later wife returns from Britain. Redneck - where is cute sexy british girl, you promised me ?
Wife - wait for 9 month darling.
Two doctors Anna and redneck are having sex, Redneck says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after." Anna replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel anything!"
A Redneck scientist is on project about cockroach and its behavior.
He puts cockroach on table n shouts RUN. it starts running.
He picks it again and cuts out front 2 legs n shouts RUN . Cockroach again runs this time slower.
He then chop out his 2 middle legs and shouts RUN. Cockroach scrambles it very slowly.
He then chops remaining 2 legs and shouts RUN. Poor creature don't move at all.
He summarises in end - Cockroach becames deaf if you chopout his legs .....!!!!!
Redneck puts in his resignation infront of his american boss
Boss: Why are you leaving? Redneck: I have vaginal problems.
Boss : But you're a man!
Redneck: That I am, Sir. But you are a VAGINA!
Happy Boss Day.....!!!!!
Anant to his redneck friend, "Take care bro. Keep your curtains close while fucking your wife. Yesterday afternoon, all street people enjoyed watching while you were screwing!"
Redneck to Anant, "Shut up. Yesterday, I was out of town."
Anant is walking on campus one day when Redneck rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked Anant
Redneck "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'" "And Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Redneck went to the doctor Anant's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra.The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose.
"Why not?' asked Redneck
"Because it's not safe,' replied the doctor Anant
"But I need it really bad,' said Redneck
"Well, why do you need it so badly?' asked the doctor Anant
Redneck answered, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a triple dose."
On Monday, Redneck dragged himself in to the doctor's office, his right arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"
Redneck said, "No one showed up."
Redneck: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.
Bartender Anant gives him a drink.
Redneck again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me drink. Fight is about to start.
Anant again gives him a drink.
Redneck again asks for a drink as the fight is about to star.
Anant: When on earth the fight will start?
Redneck: When you will ask for money !!!
Redneck asked his friend Anant " I want to divorce my wife and marry her sister. She must be hot in bed. What do you think ?
Anant - Don't make mistake. Both are same while fuuking. There is no difference"
Redneck goes into a doctors Anant and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor anant asks.
"Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says dr anant.
"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor.
"Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my neighbour pakistani lady, TWICE a day," says the redneck
"Well, that's definitely to much", says the dr Anant. "You've got to learn to take yourself in hand."
"I do", says the redneck. "Twice a day !!!
A redneck had become a major buyer of a furniture company in Alabama. The company sent him to buy some new lines of furniture in France, they gave him three days to buy the furniture. The redneck went over there on the first day and closed the deal with a furniture manufacturer, so he had two days left. He decided to go to a bistro and have some wine, he sat down had a glass and he sees a very good looking woman across the room and motions her so come over there, and the woman started to speak to him in french so put his hand up to hush her up, and he drew a picture of a wine glass and she nods her head and he orders her a glass of wine and they continue to talk this way, he then draws some food and she nods her head so they go to restaurant and he orders two plates of pasta and they continue to talk through drawing. When the redneck hears some music playing he draws a picture of two stick figures dancing, and she nods her head and they start dancing. So when they stop dancing the woman draws a picture of a four post bed, and till this day that redneck does not know how she knew he was in the furniture business.