Best Redneck Jokes This Year
Two rednecks were sitting in a bar discussing their favorite sex positions. One of them says, "I think rodeo would have to my favorite". The other one says, "I've never heard of that one, what is it?" So the first guy says, "You sit on your wife's back with your hands on her boobs and say, 'these feel just like your sister's' and then you have to try and stay on for 8 seconds".
An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.
The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"
The kid replies, "I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."
The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."
A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.
"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"
The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."
A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."
The old man cannot believe his eyes.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"
The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some pussy willow."
The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son...while I get my hat!"
Redneck told wife- when are you going to Britain for your training , dear ?
Wife - next week darling. What gift should I bring for you from Britain? Redneck - Bring cute sexy british blonde for me.
15 days later wife returns from Britain. Redneck - where is cute sexy british girl, you promised me ?
Wife - wait for 9 month darling.
So a woman walks into a bar with her goose and gets a drink, moments later after being there a drunk man walks up and asks her : "Where did you get that Pig" and She says : "I'll have you know this is a goose" and the drunk man says :" I know, I was talking to the goose!"
A Redneck scientist is on project about cockroach and its behavior.
He puts cockroach on table n shouts RUN. it starts running.
He picks it again and cuts out front 2 legs n shouts RUN . Cockroach again runs this time slower.
He then chop out his 2 middle legs and shouts RUN. Cockroach scrambles it very slowly.
He then chops remaining 2 legs and shouts RUN. Poor creature don't move at all.
He summarises in end - Cockroach becames deaf if you chopout his legs .....!!!!!
Anant to his redneck friend, "Take care bro. Keep your curtains close while fucking your wife. Yesterday afternoon, all street people enjoyed watching while you were screwing!"
Redneck to Anant, "Shut up. Yesterday, I was out of town."
Two doctors Anna and redneck are having sex, Redneck says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after." Anna replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel anything!"
Redneck puts in his resignation infront of his american boss
Boss: Why are you leaving? Redneck: I have vaginal problems.
Boss : But you're a man!
Redneck: That I am, Sir. But you are a VAGINA!
Happy Boss Day.....!!!!!
Anant is walking on campus one day when Redneck rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
"Where did you get such a rockin' bike?" asked Anant
Redneck "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'" "And Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Redneck asked his friend Anant " I want to divorce my wife and marry her sister. She must be hot in bed. What do you think ?
Anant - Don't make mistake. Both are same while fuuking. There is no difference"