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55 results for "santa"
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Redneck Joke
You might be a redneck if, Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
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Celebrities Joke
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after three ho's.
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Dirty Joke
Girl - Ho Ho Ho.
Boy - Is Santa coming?
Girl - No, your girlfriend is.
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Racial Joke
What is the difference between santa and a jew?
Santa goes up the chimney
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Long Joke
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land! No questions asked! Do you understand ?!!" The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... "Your badge, show him your BADGE!!"
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Chuck Norris Joke
Santa Claus goes to the mall to sit on Chuck Norris lap
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Dirty Joke
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
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One Liners Joke
Santa saw your facebook pictures...You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
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One Liners Joke
Dear Santa,
I've been good all year. Okay most of the time. Once in awhile...F*ck it I'll buy my own shit.
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Dirty Joke
Instead of going down the chimney, I'm going to dress up as Santa and come down my girlfriends throat.
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Dirty Joke
Rudolph the well hung reindeer,
Had a great enormous cock,
All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock,
All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small,
Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all,
Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!"
Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say,
"Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
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Dirty Joke
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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Anti-Humor Joke
Why can't santa be Asian?
Because he could never get to all the houses in the world driving 20 miles under the speed limit with both blinkers on
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Yo Momma Joke
Yo Momma so ugly, Santa came down the chimney and said "Ho! Ho! Holy sh*t!"
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Chuck Norris Joke
Santa use to be real... before he put Chuck Norris on the Naughty list.
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Celebrities Joke
What's the difference between Tiger woods and Santa??
Santa stops at 3 hoes
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Dirty Joke
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said "Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."
So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
"Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."
She takes off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with my d*ck this way!"
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Dirty Joke
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only cums once a year.
Oohhhhh...*slaps knee*..
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Pick Up Lines Joke
Boy: I'm sorry, can I take a picture with u? I just want to show santa what I want for christmas.
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Anti-Humor Joke
Kid: Dear Santa send me a brother
Santa: Bring me your mother
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Racial Joke
What is the difference between a black man and Santa?
Santa stops after the third Ho.
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One Liners Joke
If only God can judge us than Santa has some explaining to do.
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Dirty Joke
why did santa get arrsested he called a woman a hoe 3 times
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Blonde Joke
How is Santa Claus like a smart blonde? They both don't exist
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Dirty Joke
What's the difference between Santa and a black guy?
Santa stops after the 3rd hoe.
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Comebacks Joke
My parents called me a liar.
So I told them "Easter Bunny, Santa, & Tooth Fairy and walked away like a boss.
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Yo Momma Joke
Santa Claus was never laughing, he was just calling out your momma's name.
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Comebacks Joke
Kid: I want a dragon for christmas.
Santa: Be realistic.
Kid: Ok, I want a loyal girlfriend.
Santa: What color dragon do you want?
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Dirty Joke
I think Santa Claus had an argument with his wife one night, he started calling her names; the neighbours heard him saying ho ho ho.....
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Blonde Joke
A blonde was walking in a mall during Christmas time, as she walked by Santa he said "ho ho ho!" She looked back and yelled "sorry! I'm not working right now, but I will tonight!"
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Long Joke
9-1-1
Parody of "Jingle Bells"
Dashing through the snow, on a pair of broken skis
Over the hills we go, crashing into trees!
The snow is turning red, I think I might be dead,
I woke up in the hospital with stitches in my head, oh!
9-1-1, 9-1-1, Santa Claus is dead!
Rudolph took a .44 and shot him in the head, oh!
Barbie Doll, Barbie Doll, tried to save his life,
But G.I. Joe from Mexico stabbed him with a knife!
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Yo Momma Joke
yo mommas so fat when Santa comes down the chimley he saids ho ho holy shit..........
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Chuck Norris Joke
Santa actually has TWO lists; "who's naughty or nice" and "make sure Chuck Norris gets whatever he wants."
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Dirty Joke
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
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Dirty Joke
Me:Santa do you have 3 daughters?
Santa: Yes I do. Me:I guess there names are holly, jolly, frolly?
Santa: No there names are ho ho ho ;)
Kickass if you get it
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Dirty Joke
Kid: you no I want for Christmas. Santa:what? Kid: a boner
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Dirty Joke
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
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Comebacks Joke
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
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Dirty Joke
For christmas a little boy asked Santa "Please can you send me a sister?" So Santa answers "Okay just send me your mum!"
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Yo Momma Joke
Yo momma so ugly that Santa came on Christmas Eve, he said "Ho! Ho! Holly shit!!!"
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Racial Joke
Two little kids debated whether Santa Claus is black or white. So the little black and white boys sent their letter in the mail to The North Pole asking, "Santa, are you black or white? P.S. I, Harry, want an iPhone and Kentavious wants an X-Box One." (Kids these days) Santa soon replies with a letter saying, "It doesn't matter if I am black or white. The only thing that matters is that you don't judge by color." "Ha, see Kentavious, Santa is white!" Harry said. "No way. He neva said dat," Ketavious defended. "But if Santa was black," Harry started, "He would have said,'It doesn't matter if I is black or white.' "
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Short Joke
It makes sense that Santa is Chinese since all of the toys are made in China..
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Dirty Joke
why does santa have no children?
because he only comes once a year
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Dirty Joke
Little Girl: Dear Santa, i do hope to have a little sister..
Santa: You want a sister? Send me your mother!
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Celebrities Joke
jingle balls Dear Santa,
Yes i've been naughty this year but f*ck you you fat judgmental bastard
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Racial Joke
What is the difference between Santa and Jews?
Santa goes down the chimney
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Dirty Joke
There is a little girl on a bike and a cop
On a horse. The cop goes up to the
Little girl and says " did you get that
Bike from Santa?" Little girl says yes.
The cop says next year ask Santa for
Some reflectors and the cop gave her
A $5 fine. Then the girl replies hey cop
Did Santa get you that horse for
Christmas. He says yes. She says tell
Santa next year put the dick on the
Bottom of the horse not the top. LOL!!
My dad is trying to get 500 jackass!!!!
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One Liners Joke
We should start telling kids that Santa moved to the Amazon and sends gifts in the mail now.
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Yo Momma Joke
Your Momma is so ugly that when it was Christmas Santa came laughing HO HO (Santa see's your mom) HOLY SH*T
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Dirty Joke
Q:Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A:He only comes once a year.
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Dirty Joke
Dad: Son, I think's it's time we talked about the birds and the bees
Johnny: NOO! When I was 6 you told me the Easter Bunny is fake. When I was 8, you told me Santa is fake. If your telling me adults don't really f*ck, I don't wanna hear it
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Long Joke
Jingle Bells parody 1:
Dashing through the sand
with a bomb stuck to my back,
I've got a nasty plan for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A but not through checkpoint B.
That's when I got shot by the US Military.
Jingle Bells parody 2:
dashing through the snow
on a pair of broken skis, over the hills we go
bashing into trees, the snow is turning red,
I think I'm almost dead,
All I want for Christmas now is a hospital bed.
Jingle Bells Parody 3:
Santa Clause, Santa Clause, Santa Clause is dead
Rudolph took a .44 and shot him in the head, oh
Barbie doll, Barbie doll tried to save his life
but GI- Joe FROM MEXICO stabbed her with a knife
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Short Joke
Teacher: Little Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?
Johnny: No, teacher, it's just like Santa Claus. I know he's really my dad
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Dirty Joke
Kid:mom why does Santa have such a big sack
Dad:because Santa only comes once a year
(Think about it????)
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Short Joke
Girl: I call my boyfriend Santa
Friend: why???
Girl: cause he ain’t real ;)
Friend: your annoying