Best Blonde Jokes This Year
Blonde is standing in front of the soda machine at work and keeps putting in 50 cents and getting a soda. After awhile, with several sodas at her feet and a long line forming behind her, one of the other workers taps her on the shoulder and asks if she will be much longer because they want sodas too. The blonde turns around and quite exasperated says, "duh, I am still winning..."
There's a magical mirror in a a bar that eats those who lie to it.
A blonde and a brunette and a red head walk into a bar and discover the mirror.
The brunette looks at it and says "wow I think I'm this dress looks good on me."
So it eats her.
The red head says "I think I'm the prettiest girl in the world"
So it eats her.
The blonde looks at the mirror and says "I think -". *It eats her*
One day, a blonde wanted to travel from America to Europe. She rang a Travel agent to ask how long it would take. Blonde: How long does take to travel to Europe from America?
Travel agent: just a minute,
Blonde: Thanks *hangs up phone*
A blonde walks into an appliance store and sees a TV she'd like to buy. She goes to the register and says, "I wanna buy that TV." The man says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
The blonde walks out and dyes her hair brown. She comes back in and say, "I wanna buy that TV." The man gives her a look and says, "Ma'am, I've told you, we don't sell to blondes."
So she walks out and dyes her hair black. She comes back in and says, "I wanna buy that TV." The man gives her another look of pity and says, "Ma'am, I've told you three times, we don't sell to blondes."
The blonde walks out and dyes her hair red. She comes back in and says, "I wanna buy that TV." The man gives her a very tired look and says, "Ma'am, I've told you. We don't sell to blondes." She asks, "How have you known I'm a blonde this whole time?"
The man replies, "Because ma'am... that's a microwave."
Blonde: *calling the doctor surgery*
Doctor: Dr. Raymond speaking, how may I help you?
Blonde: I'm going to have to cancel my 2 o' clock appointment I am afraid.
Doctor: Oh, why is that?
Blonde: I don't feel well.
Brunette is walking down Main St with her blonde friend and she spots her boyfriend in the flower shop buying roses. The brunette says, “Oh great, I see my boyfriend buying me flowers again and that means in return I will have to spend a week on my back with my legs in the air”.
Blonde says, “You poor thing, don’t you have a vase”?
A blonde walks into a bar and sees her friend sitting there with a drink in her hand and looking very sad.
She walks over and sits down to ask what is wrong and to see if can she help.
Her friend says, " I feel awful, I went out last night got drunk and wound up sleeping with a Brazilian."
The blonde says, "OMG, wow. How many is that"?
Two people are texting. One is called Stacy who is blonde and the other is called Rachel who is a brunette.
Rachel: Hey sorry I lost my phone I can't text right now.
Stacy: Well can you PLEASE find it I really want to text you... you are my best friend!!!
Rachel: You're an idiot.
Stacy: Umm I'm not the one who lost my phone can you just text me when you find it?
Rachel: You're such a blonde. Read my first text again.
Stacy: IK !!! FIND YOUR PHONE !!!
A blonde and her mother are walking around. The blonde starts falling over and bumping into everything.
"Lilly, what are you doing?" The mother asks. She replies
"For some reason, when I close my eyes, I can't see anything!"
"This is why I told your father we should've adopted an Asian" The mother mumbles. Lilly falls over again.