Best Jokes of the Month
So a kid comes home from school and goes in his house and his mom asks him, "What'd you do in school today?" and her son replies, "I had sex with my teacher..." Her mom yelled, "Oh my gosh! Son that is not okay! Go upstairs to your room and wait till your dad gets home." The boy goes upstairs in his room and stands in the corner. His dad comes home and goes in his room and asks him, "Mom told me you did something at school today?" and he answers, "Yes, I had sex with my teacher." His claps with excitement and says "Alright! Way to go son! That's my boy! C'mon! I'm taking you downtown to get you the best bicycle." They hop in the truck and drive to the bike shop and find the nicest bike in the market. His dad looks at him and asks, "Son do you want to ride your bike home?" he replies, "No." With a questioned face he says, "Well why not?" so his son answers, "Cause my butt is sore." and his father asks, "Well, why is your butt sore?" and his son says, "Cause I had sex with my teacher..."
Two blondes are walking in the park and come up on a set of tracks
One blonde says I think these are bear tracks, the other blonde argues they are deer tracks
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when
a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”
Joke: Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man, "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in."
The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?"
The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery."
The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. "So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?"
"Yes," the man calmly says. "I have the loot in the back."
The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.
"Don't do that!" the man yells fearfully. "I'm scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says.
The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car."
The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!"