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Best Long Jokes This Year

That awkward moment when…
you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..

That awkward moment when…
someone tells you to stop clicking your pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it

That awkward moment when…
somebody is cross-eyed and you dont know which eye to look at.

That awkward moment when…
the guy who discovered milk had to explain to the village what he was doing to the cow.

That awkward moment when…
someone’s zipper is down & you don’t know whether to tell, because you can’t explain why you were looking that low.

That awkward moment when…
you wave to someone and it turns out they were waving to the person behind you.

That awkward moment when…
someone isn’t txting you back and then you see them update their status from mobile…

That awkward moment when…
The your chair makes a farting noise & no one believes it was the chair, so you try to do it again.

That awkward moment when…
you change your Facebook status to ”single” and your ex ‘Likes’ it.

That awkward moment when…
your teacher is helping someone with their work, and her ass is in your face

That awkward moment when…
you go to a friends yard sale .. and you see the gift you got them for their birthday is for sale!

That awkward moment when…
the someone says ”you two should go out!”

That awkward moment when…
Your at a friends house and thier dog won’t stop sniffing your crotch.

That awkward moment when…
you look up from your phone and the person you have been following around the supermarket isn’t your Mom.

That awkward moment when…
The awkward moment when you attempt to tickle someone’s armpit and end up feeling the moist on your fingers.

That awkward moment when…
that awkward feeling when you accidentally drop your phone in the toilet after using it, then take a deep breath and decide well I got to get it now.

That awkward moment when…
two people start a conversation on your facebook status.

That awkward moment when…
you’re talking to yourself and start to smile like an idiot because you’re so hilarious.

That awkward moment when…
When you start telling a story and you realize no one’s listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.

That awkward moment when…
you realize you used the status bar instead of the search bar!

That awkward moment when…
you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious!

That awkward moment when…
when you tell a joke and nobody laughs then a few seconds later they all get it…

That awkward moment when…
someone asks you whats wrong and they are the problem

That awkward moment when…
That awkward moment when your dancing, then you turn around & you realize someone has been watching you the WHOLE time.

That awkward moment when…
you get hung up on and you continue the conversation alone to attempt to fool the other people in the room..

That awkward moment when…
you do a math problem, and your answer isn’t even one of the choices.

That awkward moment when…
you are in the grocery store and someone is standing in front of the item you need, so you pretend to look at something else until they move.

That awkward moment when…
…that awkward moment after you call your girlfriend the wrong name.

That awkward moment when…
you think you wrote a great status and then nobody likes it…..

That awkward moment when…
you hold the door for someone and you’re left standing there for an eternity because they move at a turtle’s pace.
That awkward moment when…
U look in a car window to fix ur hair.. after standing there for 5 minutes… you see someone in the car…

That awkward moment when…
you struggle to open the door at the Gym

That awkward moment when…
your trapped in the corner of your shower because the cold water came out

That awkward moment when…
the weirdest kid in school is in a relationship and you’re still single.

That awkward moment when…
you mistakenly thought that a stranger from across the room was trying to get your attention and you pointed to yourself and mouthed the word “Meee?”

That awkward moment when…
a guys t*ts are bigger than yours

That awkward moment when…
an ugly person says “I need my beauty sleep” when they really need to hibernate…

That awkward moment when…
you’re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.

That awkward moment when…
you accidently send a flirty message to your girlfriend when it was supposed to go to another girl

That awkward moment when…
Adele finds someone like you

That awkward moment when…
you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.

Horror riddle:
I live in Osaka, Japan and often use the subway to go to work in the morning. One day, when I was waiting for the train, I noticed a homeless man standing in a corner of the subway station, muttering to himself as people passed by. He was holding out a cup and seemed to be begging for spare change.
A fat woman passed by the homeless man and I distinctly heard him say, “Pig.”
Wow, I thought to myself. This homeless man is insulting people and he still expects them to give him money? Then a tall businessman went by and the homeless guy muttered, “Human.” Human? I can’t argue with that. Obviously, he was human. The next day, I arrived early at the subway station and had some time to kill, so I decided to stand close to the homeless man and listen to his strange mutterings. A thin, haggard-looking man passed in front of him and I heard the homeless guy mutter, “Cow.” Cow? I thought. The man was much too skinny to be a cow. He looked more like a turkey or a chicken to me. A minute or so later, a fat man went by and the homeless man said, “Potato.” Potato? I was under the impression that he called all fat people “Pig”. That day, at work, I couldn’t stop thinking about the homeless man and his puzzling behavior. I kept trying to find some logic or pattern in what he was muttering. Perhaps he has some kind of psychic ability, I thought. Maybe he knows what these people were in a previous life. In Japan, many people believe in reincarnation. I observed the homeless man many times and began to think my theory was right. I often heard him calling people things like “Rabbit” or “Onion” or “Sheep” or “Tomato”. One day, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to ask him what was going on. As I walked up to him, he looked at me and said “Bread.” I tossed some money into his cup and asked him if he had some kind of psychic ability. The homeless man smiled and said, “Yes, indeed. I do have a psychic ability. It is an ability I obtained years ago. But it is not what you might expect. I can’t tell the future or read minds or anything like that.” “Then what is your ability,” I asked eagerly. “The ability is merely to know the last thing somebody ate,” he said. I laughed because I realized he was right. He said “Bread.” The last thing I had eaten for breakfast that day was toast. I walked away shaking my head. Of all the psychic abilities someone could have, that one must be the most useless. What is the hidden horror?

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