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Best Dirty Jokes This Year

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower."
"No, just your daughter's head," I replied.

Guy: Wanna suck my dick?
Girl: No.
Guy: Probably for the best. I mean, it has a label-Warning! Choking Hazard!
Girl: Isn't that the warning put on tiny objects?

(Dad's daughter walks up to him)
Daughter- Dad i gotta tell u something...
Dad- Whats tht?
Daughter- I'm a lesbian.
Dad- Okay.
(Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him)
Daughter #2- Dad i gotta tell u something...
Dad- Whts tht?
Daughter #2- I'm a lesbian.
Dad- Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?
Son- I do!!!!

Boy: Wanna here a joke about my Dick? Nevermind, its to long.
Girl: Wanna here a joke about my pussy? Nevermind, you'll never get it.

My girlfriend said if this gets 100 votes we'll try anal.
So please don't vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.

little johny and little april went to sunday school on sunday and little april always fell asleep but one time the the teacher called on her and asked who is our creator little johny took a pin and stuck her in the butt and she woke up and said god all mighty and the teacher says right and then she falls back asleep then the teacher called on her again and who is our savior little johny pocked her in the butt again and she woke up again and said jesus christ then the teacher says right then she falls back asleep and then the teacher calls on her again and asked what did eve say to adam when she had her 23rd child and little johny poked her in the butt and she woke up again and she said if u stick that thing in me one more f*cking time i break it in two and shove it up ur ass

boy: spell "me"
girl: M-E
boy: but you forgot the D
girl: there's no D in me
boy: not yet ;)

Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a naked women, then one of the boys run away. The other chases after him. The boy asked "Why did u run away?" The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: "Thanks for coming."

Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You aint nothin but a hoe. You think your cute, you think your classy. Newsflash b*tch your f*cking nasty.

A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years. He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed. He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there. Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom. The man whispers to his wife "Honey this man is an escaped convict look at his clothes. He probably hasn't seen a young woman in years, I saw the way he kissed your neck, so do whatever he says of he might kill us be strong honey love you." The wife leans over and whispers "He wasn't kissing my neck he whispered in my ear that he was gay and thought you were cute. So he asked if we had any lube, I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey love you too."

The real reason women will never be the ones to propose:
As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.

Hello guys this is a gay test
If you rate this kickass ur not gay, vice versa.
I wanna c how many ppl r gay

A little boy walks in on his parents having sex, his dad says Jacob please leave me and mommy are trying to make you a brother or sister and, the child replies. Daddy do her doggy style I want puppies.

My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her.
"...........dishes."

Girl Cop: "You have to right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you."
Guy: "Boobs!"

Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!

Friend: dude tomorrow is my girlfriend's birthday... what should i give her?
Me: give her your dick
Friend: idiot... i want something big for her..
Me: give her my dick then :D