Best Dirty Jokes This Year
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
(Dad's daughter walks up to him)
Daughter- Dad i gotta tell u something...
Dad- Whats tht?
Daughter- I'm a lesbian.
(Dad walks around then his other daughter comes up to him)
Daughter #2- Dad i gotta tell u something...
Dad- Whts tht?
Daughter #2- I'm a lesbian.
Dad- Damn, does anybody in this house like dick?
Son- I do!!!!
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years. He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed. He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there. Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom. The man whispers to his wife "Honey this man is an escaped convict look at his clothes. He probably hasn't seen a young woman in years, I saw the way he kissed your neck, so do whatever he says of he might kill us be strong honey love you." The wife leans over and whispers "He wasn't kissing my neck he whispered in my ear that he was gay and thought you were cute. So he asked if we had any lube, I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey love you too."
A little boy walks in on his parents having sex, his dad says Jacob please leave me and mommy are trying to make you a brother or sister and, the child replies. Daddy do her doggy style I want puppies.
A beautiful woman walks into a doctor's office and the doctor is bowled off by how stunningly awesome she and his professionalism goes right through the window.
He tells her to take off her pants and starts rubbing her thigh, he asks her do you know what I'm doing? Yes she said, checking for abnormalities. He tell her to take off he bra and starts rubbing her boobs,he asks her do you know what I'm doing? Yes, she said checking for cancer. He tells her to take of her underwear and starts having sex. He tells her do you know what I'm doing? She said "Yes getting AIDS
A pregnant woman got shot 3 times and recovered, but the bullets were never found. Later she had triplets, two girls and one boy.
Many years later, the first girl came up to her mom and told about how she peed out a bullet.
The next day the second came up and the mother said, "Lemme guess, you peed out a bullet too." She was right.
The next day her young boy came up to his mom and says, "Mom, I'm so ashamed of what just happened" The mother replied, "Aw, honey, it's alright, your sisters peed out a bullet too, it's nothing to be ashamed of."
"No, that's not it" he said. "I was rubbing myself, and I think I shot the dog"
One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "b*tch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."
The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."
At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."
A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello b*tches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas -- we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"