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Boy: I'll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!...Next Day...(Same boy): I'll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)Girl: Mommy Mommy today the boy paid me 20 BUCKS for climbing the flagpole, but today I tricked him this time I wasn't wearing underwear.Mom:...
Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say.Friend: Alright.Me: You broke up with your girlfriend.Friend: I am a man.Me: You decided to get drunk.Friend: I am a man.Me: You went to the bar.Friend: I am a man.Me: You found a hot chick there.Friend: I am a man.Me: You invited her to your house and she said yes.Friend: I am a man.Me: You both came into your room and had sex.Friend: I am a man.Me: Next morning you wake up.Friend: I am a man.Me: And she says...Friend: I am a man.
My boy friend said if this gets 200 kick-ass votes... were gonna try anal. please don't vote. he's on Viagra.
This is the story about a little girl that didn't know what cursing or what sex was. Two nights before thanksgiving, she heard her parents having sex. Her father said: "Oh honey, I love your luscious tits." Then her mother said: "And I love your slim dick!" The next morning, the girl asked her father what "luscious tits" were. The father panicked. "It's a fine coat." He said. The little girl then asked her mother what a "slim dick" is. The mother panicked and said: "It's a pair of boots." The next morning was thanksgiving, she walked past her father shaving in the bathroom. He cut him self and exclaimed: "Oh, shit!" The little girl asked what shit meant. "I'm shaving right now, sweety" said her father. Then the girl went into the kitchen where her mother was cooking the turkey. She accidentally dropped it on the floor and said: "Oh, f*ck!" "What does f*ck mean?" Asked the little girl. "I'm cooking the turkey right now, sweety." replied her mother. Then the door bell rang. Her mother told her to go open the door and welcome the thanksgiving guests. The little girl walked up, opened the door and said: "Hello everyone! Hang up your luscious tits, drop your slim dicks, my dad's upstairs shitting and my mum's f*cking the turkey."
1.A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother’s, and asked her why. She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "units" than his dad. His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is." Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play. Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."
Favorite dis if you love some pussy. lame dis shit if u les or gay
I will give each and everyone of you a handjob or fingering if you kickass dis
“A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!”
Son:Mum i got suspended todayMum: Why?!!Son: It was pajama day at school todayMum: So?!?!Son: I sleep naked
Jack and Jill went up the hilland did it in the waterJack slippedHis condom rippedand they ended up having a daughter
A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. the little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a beer." A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your ass?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not man enough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of the house With a cookie. Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?" The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?" Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied, "Then go f*ck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."
A little boy named Charlie complains to his teacher, "I'm too smart for 1st grade!". The teacher then goes to the principal with Charlie. The principle first asks some questions:3 x 3? 96 x 3? 186 squared? 36The principal is impressed by Charlie's intelligence, and allows him to be in the 3rd grade. The teacher responds "HOLD THE DAMN PHONE!" and asks Charlie some questions.What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2? Harry then says 'Legs'What is in your pants that is not in mine? 'pockets'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'pants'What goes in hard and comes out soft?'bubble gum' (SHAME ON YOU!)What does a man do standing up, a woman sitting down, and a dog on 3 legs?'shake hands'What word starts with F, has a U and C in it, and ends with a K that means heat and excitement?'firetruck' (SHAME ON YOU!)The Principal then says "F*ck that, he can go to 5th grade, since I got the last 7 questions wrong.(SHAME ON YOU!)
Roses are redNuts are brownSkirts go upPants go downBody to body Skin to skinWhen its stiffStick it inThe Longer its inThe Stronger it getsIt goes in dry And comes out wetIt comes out dripping And starts to sagIts not what you think......Its a Teabag
“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.‘Just a minute,’ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.I said, ‘I sure did,’ and held up my thumb to show her.She fainted.”
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''
Top ten reasons hockey is better than women 1. In hockey, everyone likes it rough 2. You only get five minutes for fighting 3. 'Puck' is not a dirty word 4. You don't have to play in the neutral zone 5. It is possible to score a few times in a night 6. When you 'pull the goalie' nobody get pregnant 7. Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring 8. You can alway get new wood when your stick breaks 9. The zamboni gets to clean up the mess 10. Periods only last 20 minuets 11. You can share and rate this kickass
Twinkle twinkle little slutname a guy you have not f*ckedwas he skinny was he tallnever mind you f*cked them allTwinkle twinkle little b*tch close your legs it smells like fish
Sex is good, sex is fine.doggy style or 69,just 4 fun or getting paid,everyone loves getting laid,so if u want me in the sack,lick ur lips n kickass me back.
Gay-ass: "Your can't see your penis in the shower."Me: "Damn right because all I see when I look down is your sister's head."
A boy asks his father, how do you spell vagina?The father says you should of asked me last night, I had it on the tip of my tongue.
