Best Dirty Jokes This Year
One day there was this little girl watching TV and she sees 2 girls kissing. She ask her mom "Mommy why are those two girls kissing?" The mother then Replied "Oh their just making a cake. The little girls says "Oh Okay". The very next day the little girl is watching tV and she see two black guys kissing. She asked her mother "Mommy why are those two guys kissing?" The mother Replied again "Oh their just making a cake" The little girl says again "Oh Okay". The very next morning the mother was coming down the stairs and she sees her daughter with a smile on her face and her mother ask "Why such a smile?" The little girl replies "I seen you and daddy make a cake last night" The mother looks at her daughter in shocks and says "Oh really how's that?" The little girl Replied "I lick the frosting off the couch"
Kick ass for gross awesome funny
Ignore if didn't get the joke
A priest lost his rooster and he comes to church and says anyone here see a cock? All the women raise their hands. "I'm not talking about that kind", he says. Then he says, "Anyone here have a cock?" All the men raise their hands he says, "Again, I'm not talking about that kind!" Then he says, "Anyone in here see my cock?" All the kids then raise their hands.
Timmy: Mom where's the thingy
Mom: What thingy?
Timmy: umm-it's-uh... oh it's long and sometimes it gets hard
Mom: Okay. go on...
Timmy: you can suck it
Timmy: And lick it...
Timmy: It tastes really good
Mom: Son where did you learn this fro-
Timmy: wait, it also has a wrapping kind of object
Timmy: the wrappish object tells you which flavor it is.
Mom: Timmy liste-
Timmy: no no no wait, it also gets wet.
Mom: ... Son are you talking about your peni-
(*door slams open)
Selena: Mom where are the popsicles, me and Timmy was looking for it.
Boyfriend: (after sex) That felt SO GOOD.
Girlfriend: I know right, I really did love your dick too!
Boyfriend: Aw, is it long enough for you?
Girlfriend: Nah, it's just my Mum always told me to enjoy the little things in life!
“A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry."
This infuriates his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of penises are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man also goes through three phases. In his 20s, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes: Dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration.”
There was this guy named John that went to heaven. He looked around and saw millions of clocks, some were slow and some were fast. He went to God to ask a question. ''What's the deal with all these clocks?'' John asked. ''Well,'' said God, ''these clocks tell how much a person masturbates.'' ''Well, where's my clock?'' asked John. ''It's in the office,'' replied God. ''We use it as a fan.
Before being ordained 6 priests had to stand nude with a bell tied to their cocks. Anyone whos bell rang had no spiritual purity. A naked girl with big tits & a shaved fanny danced before each one. 1st priest no reaction. She went down the line with no response from them till she reached last priest Ralph. Poor Ralph. While she danced he got a stiffy & his bell rang & flew off across the room. Embarrassed he ran & bent to pick it up, then all the f*cking bells rang!
There is a little girl on a bike and a cop
On a horse. The cop goes up to the
Little girl and says " did you get that
Bike from Santa?" Little girl says yes.
The cop says next year ask Santa for
Some reflectors and the cop gave her
A $5 fine. Then the girl replies hey cop
Did Santa get you that horse for
Christmas. He says yes. She says tell
Santa next year put the dick on the
Bottom of the horse not the top. LOL!!
My dad is trying to get 500 jackass!!!!
A man walks into a bar and see's a big line up in front of a horse. Beside the horse is a big barrel of money.
The man walks to the back of the line and asks the last person.. 'whats with the horse and the line?'
Person: 'well, if you can make the horse laugh you win the money'
So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse laugh. When it finally reaches his turn he miraculously makes the horse laugh thus winning the barrel of money.
The same man walks into the same bar a week later and notices that there is another large line up in front of the same horse and another barrel of money next to it.
The man goes to the last person in line and asks 'so you have to make the horse laugh again?'
Person: 'Nope.. now you have to make him cry'
So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse cry. Finally when the man's turn comes up he manages to make the horse cry and wins another barrel of money.
The man then proceeds to order a round of drinks to celebrate his achievement. The bartender then asks 'so.. how did you do it?'
Man: 'do what?'
Bartender: 'how did you make the horse laugh and cry like that?'
Man: 'well.. to make the horse laugh... i told him my cock was bigger than his.. to make him cry.. i showed him it'.