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1000 kick asses I will ask my teacher to f*ck
There is a little girl on a bike and a copOn a horse. The cop goes up to the Little girl and says " did you get that Bike from Santa?" Little girl says yes. The cop says next year ask Santa for Some reflectors and the cop gave herA $5 fine. Then the girl replies hey copDid Santa get you that horse for Christmas. He says yes. She says tell Santa next year put the dick on the Bottom of the horse not the top. LOL!!My dad is trying to get 500 jackass!!!!
“A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This infuriates his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of penises are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man also goes through three phases. In his 20s, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes: Dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration.”
Teacher: can anyone name three Kings that brought happiness and peace to earth?Student: drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king!
What's the definition of trust?---Two Canibals giving each other a blowjob!
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck.*condom walks in laughing*
Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no.
A white guy woke up in a cell with an Asian man and a black man. None of them had any idea what was going on. All of a sudden a mysterious man appears in front of them and says, "If all of your dick lengths combined can reach exactly 1 foot, I'll let you all go. If not, I'll kill you all" All 3 men pulled down their pants and put their dicks together, the white guy had 4 inches, the black guy had 6 inches and the Asian guy had 2 inches. The man then let them go. As they were leaving the cell, the white guy said, "You guys are lucky I'm white." The black said "No way! You guys are lucky I'm black!" And then the Asian guy yelled "You guys are lucky I had a boner!"
A husband a wife lived very happily together. One day while the husband was at work, his friend came over. The wife opened the door and offered him some snacks. As they sat down on the table, the husband's friend notice how beautiful her boobs were. "I would pay you 100 dollars to see one of your boobs" said the friendThe wife thought about it, she knew that her husband saw her boobs for free, yet here is someone willing to pay me."Yes ofcourse you can" said the wife.She lifted her top, just so he could see one boob "Damn, you have amazing boobs, ill pay you another 100 dollars to see them both together" said the friend The wife thought about it, she knew her husband saw both boobs for free every night, yet someone is willing to pay me."Ofcourse" she saidAfter the friend left, the wife quickly grabbed the 200 dollars she just earned. Suddenly her husband walks in the house unannounced."Hey did my friend stop by here?" the husband said"Yes he did" said the wife"Oh good, he also left the 200 dollars he owes me!" said the husband
Teacher: Jimmy, what do you want to be when you grow up?Jimmy: A lumberjack.Teacher: Why?Jimmy: So I can whack my wood all day long.
Why are hurricanes usually named after women?When they first come their wild and wet, and when they leave they take your house and car with them
Girl: Daddy, how are babies made?Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mommy's tummy.Girl: Does she swallow the seed?Dad: Only if she wants new shoes.
Best way to answer the phone:"Jack's whore house, you got the doe we got the hoe, how may I help you?"
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
I called my boss this morning and asked him "What's the difference between work and your wife"He says "What?"I said "I'm not coming into work today"
A blonde drops off a dress to the dry cleaners.The little Asian lady says "come again!"The blonde says, "no, its toothpaste this time."
can i get 100 kickass for my dead bro
Instead of "who's your daddy" I accidentally said "how's your daddy" and we put our clothes back on and started discussing her dad's cholesterol.
Guy 1: Would you suck dick for a ripe banana?Guy 2: NoGuy 1: What would you suck dick for?Guy 2: NothingGuy 1: So, you suck dick for nothing?
Kids these days have got it so easy... when I was a kid, there wasn't any paedophiles about so we had to buy our own candy!
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend, guess he was right.
Women are supposed to be like butterflies, beautiful and hard to catch. But most of y'all are like mosquitos, annoying and easy to smash.
Whats a 6.9? A good thing screwed up by a period!
How do you make a pool table laugh You reach into its pockets and tickle its balls
What's the best part of fingering a psychic while she's on her period? You still get your palm red.
Q:Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?A:He only comes once a year.
Therapist: So, what's the problem?Girlfriend: He just uses me for sex.Boyfriend: She is just using me for my money.Therapist: So, what's the problem?
Masturbating makes your dick smaller. Don't believe me? Asians have really fast internet. Africa doesn't.
If this gets 100 kickass, I will ask to have sex with girlfriend.
Ever have sex while camping?... Take my word when i say it's f*cking intents.
