Search for a category
Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you're hot.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
When I saw that butt, it took my breath away. I guess you could say I have ass-ma
Queen: "come to bed"King: "not until i have a name for my soldiers"Queen: "k night"King: "babe ur a fukin genius"
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
I don't know if my ceiling is THE best ceiling, but it's definitely up there.
My mum always said that men are like car park spaces ... The good ones are already taken; the rest are either too far away, too awkward or just disabled ... Kickass if you agree ;)
I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.
I was going to make a dubstep joke...But I dropped it
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? Good thing it was just a soft drink
I was always told to reach high in life. This why I keep the cocaine on the top shelf...
I love the phrase "bear with me" because it could either mean "please be patient" or "the heist at the zoo was a success".
I always go the extra mile, which is why I was fired from Uber.
why does peter pan always fly? he neverlands
I broke a can opener. It's a can't opener now.
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston just broke up. It's a bit of a Thor point, but they're keeping it Loki
guy: your cloths look gayme: they came out of the closet this morning
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around.
Told my girlfriend to meet me at the gym, then stood her up. I just wanted her to know that we weren't working out.