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I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.
When I saw that butt, it took my breath away. I guess you could say I have ass-ma
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
Queen: "come to bed"King: "not until i have a name for my soldiers"Queen: "k night"King: "babe ur a fukin genius"
My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.
I don't know if my ceiling is THE best ceiling, but it's definitely up there.
I was always told to reach high in life. This why I keep the cocaine on the top shelf...
why does peter pan always fly? he neverlands
Can't believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in.
I always go the extra mile, which is why I was fired from Uber.
If a blind woman tells you your penis is big, she's probably just pulling your leg
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston just broke up. It's a bit of a Thor point, but they're keeping it Loki
guy: your cloths look gayme: they came out of the closet this morning
I got into a fight with my boner this morning. Don't worry, I beat it single handedly
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair i knew she'd come crawling back
Told my girlfriend to meet me at the gym, then stood her up. I just wanted her to know that we weren't working out.
I hear Apple is designing a new car.They are having trouble installing the windows
Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
The answers to my anatomy test were inside me the whole time.
My bank balance is like a midget in a marathon. It's running a little short.