Best Jokes of the Year
There is a little girl on a bike and a cop
On a horse. The cop goes up to the
Little girl and says " did you get that
Bike from Santa?" Little girl says yes.
The cop says next year ask Santa for
Some reflectors and the cop gave her
A $5 fine. Then the girl replies hey cop
Did Santa get you that horse for
Christmas. He says yes. She says tell
Santa next year put the dick on the
Bottom of the horse not the top. LOL!!
My dad is trying to get 500 jackass!!!!
“A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry."
This infuriates his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of penises are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man also goes through three phases. In his 20s, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes: Dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration.”
A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.”
Before being ordained 6 priests had to stand nude with a bell tied to their cocks. Anyone whos bell rang had no spiritual purity. A naked girl with big tits & a shaved fanny danced before each one. 1st priest no reaction. She went down the line with no response from them till she reached last priest Ralph. Poor Ralph. While she danced he got a stiffy & his bell rang & flew off across the room. Embarrassed he ran & bent to pick it up, then all the f*cking bells rang!
Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.
Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it, and why?
A: Giraffe. He's stuck in a fridge.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There's no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
A: The alligators are all at a birthday party.
Q: Sally dies anyways. Why?
A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
When I was born, I was BLACK
When I grew up, I was BLACK
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK
When I got cold, I was BLACK
When I was scared, I was BLACK
When I was sick, I was BLACK
And when I die, I’ll still be BLACK NOW, you white folks
When you’re born, you're PINK
When you grow up, you’re WHITE
When you go in the sun, you get RED
When you’re cold, you turn BLUE
When you’re scared, you're YELLOW
When you get sick, you’re GREEN
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE
And when you die, you look GREY
So why y'all be callin' us COLORED folks?
One Liner Joke
So, theres this guy at his apartment and he smoking weed for his therapy session. Well his neighbors dispice him and call the cops after smelling a batch cause he refuses to share. As the police appear and smell this outside his door, they bang on the door.BANG!BANG! "Open up, it's the police." Calmly he goes to the door, douses his light and puts his magic bag of weed into his back pocket. Opening the door, the officer demands to search the place, as he goes, he find his magic bag of weed and says. "AH HA! Caught you red handed", the officer snickers. His neighbors boil with laughter inside thinking he will go to jail until the man speak. "Ahem, I have a reason for this." With the officer rolling his eyes to hear the story he lets him proceed. "You see officer this is is a magic bag of weed, I can't keep it off me because everytime I flush it down the toilet, it jumps right back out again and into my back pocket.", Frowning the officer is laughing with a argument back and forth on finding this whole story rediculous. "Fine I'll proove it to you!" The man shouts. The officer gives him the bag confidently and watches him empty it into the toilet were he flushes it down the toilet. When nothing appears the officer goes. "Well?" Smirking the man goes "Well what?" With the neighbors mouths gaped opened the officer becomes annoyed. "Where the hells the drugs at?" The man smirks again. "What drugs?"