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Vote kickass if you're reading jokes instead of doing homework
If i get 40 kickass votes i have to eat my girlfriend shit.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
I don't know if liquor is the answer, but it's worth a shot!
Current relationship status: Made dinner for two. Ate both.
I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls.
Violence is never the answer. It's just a really good solution.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they'll erase what they did during the week.
Never tell a woman that her place is in the kitchen. That's where the knives are kept.
I wonder how many miles I've scrolled with my thumb.
Alcohol won't solve your problems. But then again neither will milk or orange juice.
I had a wet dream about you last night... I pissed myself laughing when you fell off a cliff!
My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn
Good women are found in every corner of the earth. Unfortunately earth is round.
Studies have shown that intelligent people swear more than stupid motherf*ckers.
When you're so deep in the friend zone that you've met her boyfriend's parents...
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004.