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I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
Lazy People Fact #5812672793You were too lazy to read that number.
Kickass this if you like titties
Roses are redThat part is trueBut violets are purpleNot f*cking blue
Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy..so I got drunk.
like this kickass if your bored
I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their but with an IPad.
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
When a two year old hands you their ringing toy phone, no matter how baddass you think you are, you answer it.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I hope they split us by music genre.
The word "Boob" is the Perfect word. The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view. perfectly engineered!
A blind man walks into a bar... And a chair... and a table.
Daughter: Mommy, what's it like to have the most awesome daughter in the world ?Mother: I don't know, ask your grandmother.
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought "Dogs are easily amused." Them I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if i could help her check her balance... so i pushed her over
The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".