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Lazy People Fact #5812672793You were too lazy to read that number.
Kickass this if your bored and you went on a joke website.
Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their but with an IPad.
A blind man walks into a bar... And a chair... and a table.
The word "Boob" is the Perfect word. The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view. perfectly engineered!
Daughter: Mommy, what's it like to have the most awesome daughter in the world ?Mother: I don't know, ask your grandmother.
When a two year old hands you their ringing toy phone, no matter how baddass you think you are, you answer it.
As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought "Dogs are easily amused." Them I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.
One day while in a bank, an old lady asked if i could help her check her balance... so i pushed her over
Today I have been sober for 100 days. Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
Ain't it funny how the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind your car.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, If you throw it hard enough . . .
I don't always get asked out on a date. But when I do... It's on April 1st.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings...
I'm like a really down to earth guy because you know... gravity.
My iPhone battery dies quicker than a black guy in a scary movie.
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger! Then it hit me.
Auctioneers are proof that white guys could rap if they try hard enough.
They should put prizes in tampon boxes. Like yeah your period sucks, but here's 50% off ice cream.
This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.The driver got out and he was a dwarf.He said, "I'm not happy."I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"