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47 results for "duck"
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Dirty Joke
Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie" The first man asks "Can i make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn't He?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?"
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Short Joke
Seriously iPhone stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. You're making all my strong worded texts look adorable and harmless.
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Long Joke
There were a few ducks in the park blowing bubbles, and a police officer gave them a ticket. They went to court and the first duck went in to see the judge. The judge asks, "What is ur name and why are you here?" The duck said, "My name is quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in a park." The judge said, "That's not a crime, ur free to leave. please send the next duck in." So the next duck comes in and the judge asks, "What is ur name and why are you here?" The duck says "My name is quack quack quack and I'm here for blowing bubbles in the park." The judge replied, "That's not a crime ur free to go. Please send the next duck in." So the third duck comes in and the judge says, "Let me guess ur name is quack quack quack and ur here for blowing bubbles I'm the park?" The duck says "No, my name is bubbles."
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Animal Joke
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
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Animal Joke
fuck fuck fuck a duck screw a kangaroo 69 a porcuipine have an orgy at the zoo
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Animal Joke
Why did the duck get arrested?
because he was selling quack
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Animal Joke
Me: You wanna a duckdo?
Friend: What's a duckdo?
Me: Quack, you stupid f*cker.
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Yo Momma Joke
Yo Momma breath so bad, she yawns and her teeth duck.
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Dirty Joke
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...
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Yo Momma Joke
your moma is so poor the ducks through bread at her
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Yo Momma Joke
Yo Momma so poor, the ducks start to throw bread at her.
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Redneck Joke
you might be a redneck if you think
duct tape is spelled duck tape
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Dirty Joke
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the f*ck up
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Puns Joke
The duck police officer says to the duck drug dealer hand over the quack
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Dirty Joke
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years. He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed. He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there. Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom. The man whispers to his wife "Honey this man is an escaped convict look at his clothes. He probably hasn't seen a young woman in years, I saw the way he kissed your neck, so do whatever he says of he might kill us be strong honey love you." The wife leans over and whispers "He wasn't kissing my neck he whispered in my ear that he was gay and thought you were cute. So he asked if we had any lube, I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey love you too."
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Yo Momma Joke
Yo Mama So Poor Ducks Throw Bread At Her .
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Chuck Norris Joke
Ducks feed Chuck Norris at the pond.
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Short Joke
Me- "What mouse walks on 2 feet?"
Friend- "I don't know"
Me- "Mickey Mouse, what duck walks on 2 feet?"
Friend- "Donald Duck?"
Me- "No, all ducks dipshit"
Friend- "Screw you"
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Dirty Joke
How fast can you guess these words?
1._ _ _ k
2._ _ndom
3.d_ck
Answers:
1. book
2. random
3.duck
You didn't get them right you dirty minded slut!
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Anti-Humor Joke
a duck walks into a bar and animal control is called bc it is unsanitary to have a duck in the bar
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Animal Joke
Why did the duck go to jail? It was selling quack.
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Dirty Joke
“A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!”
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Dirty Joke
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn'tpaying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says,"No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!
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Redneck Joke
An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.
The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"
The kid replies, "I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."
The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."
A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.
"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"
The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."
A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."
The old man cannot believe his eyes.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"
The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some pussy willow."
The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son...while I get my hat!"
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Blonde Joke
After robbing a bank, a blond, a brunette, and a redhead duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, "Meow." They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, "Woof, woof." Last, they kick the sack with the blond, and she says, "Po-ta-to."
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Blonde Joke
After robbing a bank, a blond, a brunette, and a redhead duck into an alley where they hide in potato sacks. The cops first go to the sack with the brunette in it and kick it. The brunette says, "Meow." They go to the sack with the redhead and kick it. She says, "Woof, woof." Last, they kick the sack with the blond, and she says, "Po-ta-to."
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Dirty Joke
Guess the words as fast as you can!
1. F_ _ k
2. Boo_s
3. P_n_s
4. D_ck
5. _ _ ndom
6. S_x
7. P_n_s
8. Pu_s_
Answers are:
1. Fork
2.Books
3.Pants
4.Duck
5. Random
6. Six
7. Pulse
8. Pants
Dirty freak.
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Puns Joke
20 Things to do Before You Die...
1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.
4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.
5) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.
6) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.
7) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.
8) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.
9) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."
10) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.
11) Call McDonalds asking for directions to Burger King.
12) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!
13) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.
14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.
15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.
16) Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by.
17) Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again".
18) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.
19) Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!!
20) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"
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Short Joke
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf, Jack got high and dropped his fly and Jill said "Where’s The Beef?" Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her arse Now his two front teeth are missing. Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock Cause Jill's real name is randy Jack and Jill went up the hill and did it in the water Jack slipped His condom ripped and they ended up having a daughter Jack And Jill Went up the hill So Jack could lick Jills fanny, all Jack got was a mouth fall of cock Cause Jills a f**king Tranny. Jack and Jill went up the hill Both with some marijuana Jack got high and Opened his fly And Jill said Iawanna HICKERY DICKERY DOC THIS BITCH WAS SUCKIN MY COCK THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO I DUMPED MY GOO AND DUMPED HER AT THE END OF THE BLOCK. Hickory dickory dock The homo sucked on a chock The chock shot cum The homo said "yum!" Hickory dickory dock Jack be nimble jack be quick jack jump over the candlestick, if jacks so nimble and jacks so quick why is he in the hospital with a lil burnt dick. Little Bow Peep had a sheep that she kept in her back yard. When she would pull down her panties, and show him her fanny, his little wooly ding dong would get hard! Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You ain't nothing but a hoe. U think you're cool, u think you're classy. Reality Check: You're really trashy. Mirror mirror on the wall, f*ck your lies, f*ck them all. I don't care what you say, I'm the shit all day, every day! The dirty looks, the jealous stares. The best part is, you think I CARE. Roll your eyes & talk your shit. Jealous b*tches make me sick. Jingle bells seniors smell, juniors all the way... sophmores suck cause they're all sluts and freshys have no say... HEY! Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard to fetch her poor dog a bone. But when she bent over, Rover took over And the b*tch got a bone of her own! Peter peter pumpkin eater had a wife loved to beat her smacked her twice across the head f*cked her ass and went to bed Sing a song of bum sex, An arse hole full of cum. 4 and 20 fat cocks forced up her bum, and when the ass was open her butt began to bleed, wasn't that a shitty dish to drop between her knees. The king was in the parlour moting out the wench. The queen was in the kitchen strumming on her bean. The maid was in the garden banging on her pussy, when down came a penis and squirted in her nose! Little bow peep f*cked a sheep blew a horse, licked his feet, she ate his ass so very nice tongued his balls not once but twice. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, He's an alcoholic and I am too, Whenever we go downtown The people always frown What a shame John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, Her clothes all tattered and torn. It wasn't the spider That crept up beside her, But Little Boy Blue and his horn. Humpty Dumpty f*cked a fat whore Humpty Dumpty f*cked her some more All the kings horses n all the kings men Bent the b*tch over and f*cked her again Yankee Doodle is a kid that just now had a baby, he stuck a penis up his ass until it made some gravy. Rapunzel Rapunzel CUT down your hair Cause oh ma word you are a rasta down stairs Your pussy's too hairy My dick's even scared Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet With her legs open wide Down came a spider Look right inside her and said damn that pussy's wide. little druggy sat in her buggy smoking a joint of weed along came a spider who sat down beside her and sold her a kilo of speed Heres the lil slut, short and stout, bend me over and i will shout, so lay me down and eat me out! In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue hit a rock, split his cock, and pissed all over the ocean blue (Row Row Your Boat) Suck suck suck a Dick Gently up and down One and two right near his ass Then he will Kum at last Jump hump on a dick, make it nice and stiff, once it's ready, open steady, make me moan and twitch. (Row Row Row Your Boat Animorphic Version) Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. 69 a porcupine. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Finger an orangutang. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Eat a grape, rape an ape. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Masturbate with a snake Sunning at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck Gently in the ass Roll around on the ground Until you cum at last! Mary Mary Quite Contrary Mary Mary quite contrary shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy. Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow I live in a flat you f*cking twat so how the f*ck should I know Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow With wizz and e’s and ganja trees and coke as white as snow Mary Mary quite contrary, how does your fanny cope, with pubic hair and cocks up there and spunk bubbles all in a row. Mary, Mary, guite contrary, How does your garden grow? With a tuft of hair, (you know where), And three pretty holes in a row! Roses Are Red Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad, I'll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you. Roses are red that much is true but violets are purple not f*cking blue. Roses are red. Sex is elementary. Let's call up a friend, And try double entry! Roses are red. Nuts are round. Skirts go up. Panties go down. Belly to belly. Skin to skin. When it's stiff, stick it in. If all are willing you'll get double billing. So, after one at each end you'll need time to mend. Roses are red. My mind is twisted. Bend over baby, Your about to get fisted. Roses are red ,lemons r sour, open your legs and give me and hour kissing is a habbit f*cking is a game guys get all the pleasure gurls get all the pain. 10 min of pleasure 9months of pain 3 days in the hospital a baby with no name the baby is a basturd the mother is a whore this wouldnt have happened if the rubber hadnt torn, sex is like math you subtract the clothes add the bed divide the legs and pray to go you dont multiply. roses are red grass is green open your legs and fill you with cream sex is evil sex is a sin sinns are your given so stick it in. roses are nice violets are fine ill be the 6 if you be the 9. eat me beat me bite me blow me f*ck me suck me very slowly if you like it dont be sassy just use your tongue and make it nasty Roses are red, Violets are blue, What I thought was vaseline, Turned out to be glue! Roses are red Violets are blue Im in love but not with you. You told your frieds that I was a trick. and I told my friends you have a weak dick. Roses are red, Poems are corny, the way you get down makes me feel horny! Roses are red Your blood is too you look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry I'll be there too. Not in the cage But laughing at you! Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, What the hell happened to you? Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle little slut, You Like Dick inside your butt. Twinkle Twinkle little whore, Close your legs, they're not a door Twinkle twinkle little b**ch, Close your legs it smells like fish "Twinkle twinkle little snitch, mind your own business you nosey b*tch. Twinkle Twinkle little slut Name a guy you haven't f*cked Is he skinny is he tall Nevermined you f*cked them all Twinkle twinkle little b*tch Close your legs They smell like fish Twinkle twinkle little whore, you're at school, not Jersey Shore. You're a slutty orange mess, please go find a longer dress! Twinkle, twinkle, little star Hey baby have you seen the backseat of my car With your legs up high I'll make you cry and make you forget where you are Twinkle twinkle little slut May I f*ck you in the butt Fuck you hard till you cum While I'm jizzin' in your bum Twinkle twinkle little slut Can I f*ck your precious cunt Twinkle twinkle little whore, you're cheaper than the dollar store. Twinkle twinkle little whore, I can't pay you anymore, its not cause I'm broke you see, its cause i like pussy free Mary Had A Little Lamb Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E Mary was a kiky slut and give them H.I.V Mary had a little lamb, His fleece all white and whispy, Along came foot and mouth disease, And now he's black and crispy. Mary had a little lamb it's fleece was black as charcoal. And everywhere that Mary went she'd kick it up the arsehole. Mary had a little lamb She also had a duck She put them on the mantle piece To see if they would f*ck Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. it followed her to school one day. between two slices of bread Dirty Rhymes When Shit goes down and sides are taken, you find out who was real and who was fakin. Everyone wants happiness. Nobody wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. She spends hours & hours fixing her hair, Just for the boy who will never care. Were all in the same game; just different levels Dealing with the same hell; just different devils U jerk; i dougie. ur cool; I'm epic. ur Fresh; I'm Fly. u Kid; i Joke. u walk; i swag. u dream; I believe. ur Different; I'm Original! I cared, you didn't. I cried, you laughed. I was hurt, you smiled. I moved on, you realized. Too late. Barney is a dinosaur With no imagination Shoved his finger up his arse And died of constipation Ashes to ashes dust to dust your pussy full of rust Wanted by many, taken by none, looking at some, but waiting for one. There once was a lass called Louise, whose cunt smelt like Limburger Cheese, she leaked so much grunge, that she purchased a sponge, that sopped up the muck to her knees. Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand. Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think. You call me a BITCH, Actually I'm beautiful SHIT, You think your all that, but your a SON OF A BITCH There once was a lady from ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She leant on her back Opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling Everyone's doing it doing it doing it Picking their nose and chewing it chewing it chewing it They think its some kind of candy but its snot Mother Fucker titty sucker two balled b*tch ping pong pussy and a rubber dick, Your daddy's got a dick like a rattle snake, your momma's got a pussy like a garden rake. I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast forward the bullshit. Rewind the memories. Words begin with ABC. Numbers begin with 123. Music begins with do, re, mi. And this love begins with you and me. "I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive. I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful." I'm strong cause I know my weaknesses. I'm alive because i'm a fighter. I'm wise because I've been foolish.I laugh because I've know sadness. I don’t hate you, I never will. I just act like I do, because it’s easier than admitting that I miss you. Bitch, please. Last time I checked, awesome ended with 'ME' and ugly started with 'u' She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying. She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying. There once was a girl by the name of Kim She had a Guy by the name of Jim Big fat balls and a hairy long dick Stuck it down her throat and made her sick She gagged and puked and gagged some more Yes sir e she is a whore Big fat tits and a hairy cunt to boot If you don't watch it she will set on your snoot Suck your head right up her twat Her ass is as big as a parking lot She died at the age of 26 Because she like to suck those dicks. Little John sat in the class, The teacher drew a cucumber on the white glass, She asked: " What is it? " Little John raised his hand, He answered: "A Dildo" Little John was sent out the class, And by came the principal. He asked Little John, Why he was not in class. Little John replied: "I really don't know" The principal brought John back in the class And yelled at the teacher: "Why is Little John out the class? And who drew a dildo on your white glass?" Thunder Buddies (Ted) When you hear the sound of thunder, dont you get too scared. Just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words: Fuck you, Thunder. You can suck my dick. You cant get me, Thunder, because you're just Gods farts.
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Long Joke
A duck walks into a store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says no, so the duck leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager says,"NO, we do not sell grapes,"so the duck leaves the store. The next day the duck goes back to the same store and asks the manager if he sells grapes. The manager is furious now and says,"NO, WE DO NOT SELL GRAPES! IF YOU COME BACK AND ASK IF WE SELL GRAPES AGAIN, I WILL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE FLOOR! The next day the duck goes back to the same store and says to the manager,"Excuse me, do you sell nails at this store?" The manager says,"no, we don't sell nails." The duck replies,"That's good. Do you sell grapes?"
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Dirty Joke
A guy went to a doctor who had his office on 4th floor. He explained to doctor that he can't satisfy his wife on bed. Doctor examined him and gave him 3 pills a red, pink and blue pill, Doctor adviced him to use the red pill first, if it is not working out use pink,and even if Pink pill fails use the blue pill as it is more powerful. He took the pills and left. Before going home he wanted to test the pill. He swallowed red pill and got in to the lift. He saw a woman about 50 years old, and f*cked her and checked if she was satisfied..she replied somewhat. Then he tried pink pill met another woman..f*cked her got feedback as ok.He wanted to try the blue pill and see how it works. On first floor he sees a girl ducks her and got feedback as awsome.. He was very happy now..when he reached ground floor he realized that he don't have any pills left. So he went back to doctor to get few more blue pills. When he opened the door Doctor opens his pant and bends down..this guy shouts "what is this Doctor..Y are u doing this.. Doctor goes back to him slapped him and said.you ducked my mom in 3rd floor.. my wife in 2nd floor and my daughter in 1 at floor. I am the only guy left in my family.. come and duck me!!~~
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Short Joke
Q:what do you call a duck on a wheelchair. A:a handy quack
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Long Joke
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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Animal Joke
Why did the duck cross the road?
to prove he was no chicken
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Short Joke
Something To Do Before You Die:
Dress up in a duck costume and throw bread at people and scream "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!?!?!"
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One Liners Joke
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's probably a pterodactyl. Because that's just how things work.
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Short Joke
If this gets 75 kickasses I will literally f*ck a duck. Not even joking... please don't kickass.
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Animal Joke
Guy: what mouse walks on two legs?
guy #2: IDK
guy: mickey mouse, what duck walks on two legs?
guy #2: donald duck!
guy: all ducks dumbass
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Yo Momma Joke
Yo mama so poor the ducks feed her bread!
( when you see people in the park )
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Animal Joke
Me-what mouse walks on two legs?
Freind- idk
Me-Micky mouse
Me-what cat walks on two legs?
Freind-idk what???
Me- Tom
Me-what duck walks on two legs?
Freind- Daffy the duck :D
Me- no all ducks stupid
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Dirty Joke
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Little Johnny isn't paying attention so she asks him this, "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one how many are left." Johnny says none. The teacher asks why. "Because the shot scared them off" says Johnny. Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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Long Joke
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He sees another guy drinking, and notices he is sitting next to a tiny person playing a piano on the bar.
"Nice piano player" the guy says. "Where did you get that."
The drinking guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lamp. "Here, rub the lamp and you will get three wishes." He says. "Just make sure you speak clearly"
The guy rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. "You have three wishes" the genie says.
"A million bucks!" The guy shouts, and with the nod of the genies head, one million ducks appear in the bar, quacking and flapping about."
Disappointed the guy says, "I didn't ask for a million ducks!"
His drinking buddy leans over and mutters, "Do you think I asked for an 11 inch pianist?"
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Long Joke
A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bs driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling." The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your mom was a drunk and you dad was a bum?" The boy responds, "Then I'd be a bus driver."
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Short Joke
Everyone hates when this happens
*You cursin someone out in an argument over text*
other person:Well b*tch everyone says that
You: Bitch I don't give two ducks about what everyone else ducking says. (*in your head* Fuuucckkkiinnn autocorrect!!!!!!)
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Comebacks Joke
Jerk: You suck like ducks
Boy: You should really think about the ducks feelings.
Jerk: Ducks don't have feelings
Boy: Is that why you weren't born with any?
Jerk: Stop trying to use a comeback on me
Boy: I'm not, your mom thinks the same thing.
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Yo Momma Joke
Yo Mamma So POOR Instead Of Her Feeding Ducks ducks throw bread at her
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Dirty Joke
Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?