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When I get a dog I'm going to name him five miles so I can say I walk five miles everyday.
*At pet store*
Me: Hey look its Nemo!
Worker: Sir, that's a clown fish.
Me: Bitch, that's a Nemo!
I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard. I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a …Read More
Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!