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Best Redneck Jokes of All Time

Redneck Joke

*Girl is crying*
Dad: Why ya' crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad (Grabs shotgun): I'll be back...
*A while later, dad comes back*
Girl: What the hell! Why did you kill him!
Dad: I didn't!
Girl: Where did you go, then?
Dad: To get you ice cream of course.
Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun!?
Dad: So I could get it for free!

Redneck Joke

An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.

The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"

The kid replies, "I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."

The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."

A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.

"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.

The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.

The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"

The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."

The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."

A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."

The old man cannot believe his eyes.

The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.

The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"

The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some pussy willow."

The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son...while I get my hat!"

Redneck Joke

Redneck: Help! My buddy fell out of the deer stand I think; I think he might be dead.
911: Sir, please calm down; can you make sure he's not alive?
Redneck: Yea, just a sec. *gunshot* Ok, he's dead, now what?

Redneck Joke

Redneck told wife- when are you going to Britain for your training , dear ?
Wife - next week darling. What gift should I bring for you from Britain? Redneck - Bring cute sexy british blonde for me.
15 days later wife returns from Britain. Redneck - where is cute sexy british girl, you promised me ?
Wife - wait for 9 month darling.

Redneck Joke

What did the redneck say before he died?
"Watch this! Hold my beer."

Redneck Joke

Two rednecks were sitting in a bar discussing their favorite sex positions. One of them says, "I think rodeo would have to my favorite". The other one says, "I've never heard of that one, what is it?" So the first guy says, "You sit on your wife's back with your hands on her boobs and say, 'these feel just like your sister's' and then you have to try and stay on for 8 seconds".

Redneck Joke

A teacher has a class full of rednecks. She asks someone to use the word 'Timbuktu' in a story.
A scrawny kid in the back raises his hand and recites proudly:
Tim and me, a hikin' we went,
Till we found three whores in a pitch-up tent.
They were three and we were two;
So I buck one and Tim buck two!

Redneck Joke

Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve?
Because all the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

Redneck Joke

You might be a redneck if your daughter's sweet sixteen is sponsored by Budweiser.

Redneck Joke

Two rednecks were walking along when they saw a dog licking his balls. One said I wish I could do that! The other said, you dumbass he would bite you!

Redneck Joke

What's a rednecks last words!!
Hold my beer aand watch this boys!!

Redneck Joke

You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says no crack and it reminds you to pull your pants up.

Redneck Joke

What's the cheapest meat? Deer balls their under a buck

Redneck Joke

You might be a redneck if you can move your house with your truck.

Redneck Joke

How do you make a rednecks dick hurt. Kick his sister's jaw

Redneck Joke

You might be a redneck if you let your sixteen year old daughter smoke at the dinner table...
...in front of her kids.

Redneck Joke

you know your a redneck when you fall and the first thing you save is your beer.

Redneck Joke

My girlfriend and I broke up... she said we could still be cousins though.

Redneck Joke

Q:What do cops hate the most about hillbilly murder cases?
A: No dental records and ALLLLL the DNA matches!!

Redneck Joke


Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms - ideal for f*ckers who dont know when to pull out

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