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Just bumped into a mannequin & said "sorry". Then said "Oh I thought you were a person". Then realized I was still talking to a mannequin.
I'm giving up alcohol for a month.Wait, sorry. That came out wrong.I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.
I've always wondered what a German history book looked like."We f*cked up here, here, Big time here, here...."
My girlfriend hasn't shaved in awhile so I figured I'd give her subtle hints so I texted her: "Hows life baby gorilla. I mean babygirl*".
A Haiku about working in retail:Why'd you put that thereThat's not where you got that fromYou lazy asshole
Lately I go to the restroom at the movies, but forget where I'm seated. Then return & just begin a new life in a new seat with a new family.
I hate it when people see me at the store and say what are you doing here. Then I say oh you know hunting elephants.Kickass if you like it
Got drunk and did my taxes. I'm getting back a million dollars, 2 slaves and somehow the state of Georgia. This can't be right...