Best Long Jokes of the Month
A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.”
So, theres this guy at his apartment and he smoking weed for his therapy session. Well his neighbors dispice him and call the cops after smelling a batch cause he refuses to share. As the police appear and smell this outside his door, they bang on the door.BANG!BANG! "Open up, it's the police." Calmly he goes to the door, douses his light and puts his magic bag of weed into his back pocket. Opening the door, the officer demands to search the place, as he goes, he find his magic bag of weed and says. "AH HA! Caught you red handed", the officer snickers. His neighbors boil with laughter inside thinking he will go to jail until the man speak. "Ahem, I have a reason for this." With the officer rolling his eyes to hear the story he lets him proceed. "You see officer this is is a magic bag of weed, I can't keep it off me because everytime I flush it down the toilet, it jumps right back out again and into my back pocket.", Frowning the officer is laughing with a argument back and forth on finding this whole story rediculous. "Fine I'll proove it to you!" The man shouts. The officer gives him the bag confidently and watches him empty it into the toilet were he flushes it down the toilet. When nothing appears the officer goes. "Well?" Smirking the man goes "Well what?" With the neighbors mouths gaped opened the officer becomes annoyed. "Where the hells the drugs at?" The man smirks again. "What drugs?"
Jingle Bells parody 1:
Dashing through the sand
with a bomb stuck to my back,
I've got a nasty plan for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A but not through checkpoint B.
That's when I got shot by the US Military.
Jingle Bells parody 2:
dashing through the snow
on a pair of broken skis, over the hills we go
bashing into trees, the snow is turning red,
I think I'm almost dead,
All I want for Christmas now is a hospital bed.
Jingle Bells Parody 3:
Santa Clause, Santa Clause, Santa Clause is dead
Rudolph took a .44 and shot him in the head, oh
Barbie doll, Barbie doll tried to save his life
but GI- Joe FROM MEXICO stabbed her with a knife
Lost your pen = no pen
No pen = no notes
No notes = no study
No study = fail school
Fail school = no diploma
No diploma = no work
No work = no money
No money = no food
No food = skinny
Skinny = ugly
Ugly = no love
No love = no marriage
No marriage = no children
No children = alone
Alone = depression Depression = sickness
Sickness = death Lesson: Don't ever loose your pen
A guy walks into a bar and sees three jars of money each bigger then the last. The guy looks at the bar tender and ask what do have to do to get those money jars? Well there is three tasks each harder than the next. The bartender says there this big huge 7 ft tall beefy guy over there and hes been harassing my customers so go knock him out and thats the first jar right there. then theres this big aligator in the back and hes got a bad tooth and thats the second jar and there this old hooker upstairs and she wants action so the guy knocks the bigger guy out and gose around back to the gator. its picth black and all u here is some slithering and biteing nioes and the guy walks back in the bar and says " wheres that hooker with the bad tooth" look back at the joke if u dont get it
Yet again one of my jokes was freaking stolen by a stupid bastard that just re-worded it to make it seem like it was theirs but it's very obvious that it's been stolen.
To the person who typed THIS:
'An police officer pulls a car over and said, sir you have won a $300 reward for winning a driving the safest contest. The officer asked the driver, sir what are you going to don with the money. The driver replies I will go get my drivers license. Then his wife in the passenger seat jumps into the comversation and said that my husband is a bit stupid when he's drunk officer. Then a guy wakes up in the back seat and yells I knew we were not going far with this stolen car. Then there was a thump in the trunk and a voice said have crossed the border yet.'
Please, if you see this joke, vote LAME. It was stolen. I am the creator of the one where they win $1000, it's pretty obvious it was stolen. Mine was done ages ago, but this was done a few days ago.
A very pissed person.
An police officer pulls a car over and said, sir you have won a $300 reward for winning a driving the safest contest. The officer asked the driver, sir what are you going to don with the money. The driver replies I will go get my drivers license. Then his wife in the passenger seat jumps into the comversation and said that my husband is a bit stupid when he's drunk officer. Then a guy wakes up in the back seat and yells I knew we were not going far with this stolen car. Then there was a thump in the trunk and a voice said have crossed the border yet.