Best Long Jokes of the Month
Jingle Bells parody 1:
Dashing through the sand
with a bomb stuck to my back,
I've got a nasty plan for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A but not through checkpoint B.
That's when I got shot by the US Military.
Jingle Bells parody 2:
dashing through the snow
on a pair of broken skis, over the hills we go
bashing into trees, the snow is turning red,
I think I'm almost dead,
All I want for Christmas now is a hospital bed.
Jingle Bells Parody 3:
Santa Clause, Santa Clause, Santa Clause is dead
Rudolph took a .44 and shot him in the head, oh
Barbie doll, Barbie doll tried to save his life
but GI- Joe FROM MEXICO stabbed her with a knife
Lost your pen = no pen
No pen = no notes
No notes = no study
No study = fail school
Fail school = no diploma
No diploma = no work
No work = no money
No money = no food
No food = skinny
Skinny = ugly
Ugly = no love
No love = no marriage
No marriage = no children
No children = alone
Alone = depression Depression = sickness
Sickness = death Lesson: Don't ever loose your pen
One day two brothers were raking in the front yard. The older brother, who is 6, says, "Hey, at breakfast tomorrow, me and you should say a cuss word!" The younger brother, who is 4, nods with excitement. So, the next day, the their mother says, "What do you want for breakfast?" to the older brother. He replies, "All hell! I'll have some Cherrios!" The mother grabs him by the ear and spanks him all the way up the stairs into his room. "Now, what do you want for breakfast?" The mother says to the younger brother. "I don't know, but you can bet your fat ass it ain't going to be Cherrios!"
a man picks up answers a phone in the shopping centre
"hello darling i recently saw a necklace in a catalog and i want it, so do you mind if i use your credit card?"
"how expensive is it?" the man says
"that cheap? hell i'll get four of them for you so you'll wear a different one each season"
"your so generous honey, oh i also want a ring"
"get two, one for each hand"
"thank you! oh i also want a new car, it's $40000"
"sure why lot"
"i love you dear! oh i gotta go, bye"
after that the man quizzically looks around the mall and loudly asks "did anyone drop a phone?"
3 men go on a business trip to an island, one was from Russia one was from London and the other was from New York. The has never been discovered by anyone till now so they didn't now what they were getting themselves in to. While walking in the forest they see a bush and out of the bush a cannibalistic tribe jump out, the tribe takes them to their camp and present them to the tribes leader. The leader says that they are walking on sacred grounds by their ancestors so we are going to kill you and make you in to a canoe but because we're not THAT f*cked up we're going to let you choose how you want to die. The dude from London said "I'll take the gun." So they gave him a gun with one Bullet. The dude from Russia said "I'll take the poison." So they gave him a cup of poison. The dude from New York said "I'll take a fork." Their like "a fork why in the world would you wan- OK" so they gave him a fork. The dude from London takes the gun and says "long live the queen." BANG he's dead, the dude from Russia takes the poison and says "for mother Russia." He drinks it and he dies, the dude from New York takes the fork and yells as loud as he can "UGH- CANOE OUT OF THIS MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!" And he dies.
Yet again one of my jokes was freaking stolen by a stupid bastard that just re-worded it to make it seem like it was theirs but it's very obvious that it's been stolen.
To the person who typed THIS:
'An police officer pulls a car over and said, sir you have won a $300 reward for winning a driving the safest contest. The officer asked the driver, sir what are you going to don with the money. The driver replies I will go get my drivers license. Then his wife in the passenger seat jumps into the comversation and said that my husband is a bit stupid when he's drunk officer. Then a guy wakes up in the back seat and yells I knew we were not going far with this stolen car. Then there was a thump in the trunk and a voice said have crossed the border yet.'
Please, if you see this joke, vote LAME. It was stolen. I am the creator of the one where they win $1000, it's pretty obvious it was stolen. Mine was done ages ago, but this was done a few days ago.
A very pissed person.