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Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in our familyDoctor: No, the problem is that no one runs in your family
"Your so cute when your mad" "yeah well I'm about to get really f*cking adorable"
Wife: What's that beeping?" Me: "That's my seat belt alarm." Wife: "How can you ignore something so annoying?" Me: "Huh?"
Damn girl! Are you fire detector?'Cause you are really f*cking loud and annoying'
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person.Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
Ex: You need me b*tch.Girl: Are You Air?Ex: Tf No.Girl: Are you Water?Ex: Wtf No!Girl: Then I will never need you b*tch.
Their may be no "I" in "Team", but there sure is a "U" in "Douche".
why did the chicken cross the road?To get to the idiots house.Knock KnockYou:Whos thereThe chicken.
BULLY: I feel so sorry for you, Loser !!!NERD: Well at least somebody cares ... pity we can't say the same for you !!!(SILENCE)
Dear haters,I can't help noticing that awesome ends with me, and ugly starts with u.
i bet your mom was so let down when she got you instead of her period
Someone once told me that the eraser on the pencil is used to erase mistakes. *erases person in front of him*
Bully: Bitch!Me: Bitch is a Dog, Dog's Bark, Bark's on Trees, Trees are apart of nature, Nature's beautiful, Thanks for calling me beautiful!
Teacher: Hey kiddo, stop playing with you're glasses. Geez, you would look so nice without glasses.Kid: Yeah, and we would be so smart and not bored if we had a teacher who's actually smart and funny/