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53 results for "whores"
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Dirty Joke
I'm not saying you mother is a whore. But if her vagina was a video game it would be rated E for everyone
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Dirty Joke
Sluts are just girls who can't control there whore-mones.
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Dirty Joke
I hate how life is filled with double standards. If a girl fucks a bunch of guys she's a whore. If I do, I'm gay. Wtf?
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Dirty Joke
After being out to sea for over a year, a sailor finally got a chance to go onto dry land. The first thing he wanted to do was visit a local whore house. When he arrived at one he asked the guy behind the counter if they had any whores available, but the man told the sailor that had no whores and all they had was a chicken. The sailor thought about it and figured what the hell it had been ages since his last lay. He took the chicken up to a room where he tried for an hour to fuck the chicken but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't do it. After giving up the sailor left and would try again tomorrow. The next day he return only to find they had no whores available again but they did have lesbian show that he could watch in the back with other men. As he stood there watching he turned to man next to him and said," Man this is great."
To which the man replied,"Yeah but you should have been here yesterday some guy tried to fuck a chicken."
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Short Joke
Twinkle twinkle little whore you're at school not jorsey shore.
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Anti-Humor Joke
Roses are red
violets are blue
your moms a whore
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Dirty Joke
What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? Beat it, we're closed.
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Dirty Joke
Next time you answer a blocked phone number talk like this.
"Jim's Whore House, you got the doe, we got the hoe."
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Comebacks Joke
Not calling you a whore or anything, but you have been on more wieners then Heinz ketchup!
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Dirty Joke
Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a whore house for a hug.
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Comebacks Joke
if you were a cookie, you'd be a whoreo
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One Liners Joke
I'm not saying she's a whore but... no wait that's EXACTLY what I'm saying!
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Comebacks Joke
You should learn to take a joke as easily you take a dick, whore.
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Dirty Joke
They need a Car FAX report for girls.
"I've only slept with two guys."
Yeah right, show me the WhoreFAX.
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Comebacks Joke
Sorry for calling you a whore all those times. I didn't realize a lack of love from your parents leaves a hole in your heart that only dicks can fill.
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Anti-Humor Joke
Two dudes walk. Into a bar uhhh......i forgot the rest of the joke.
Anyway your mom is a whore.
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Dirty Joke
Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.
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Dirty Joke
I'm not saying she's a whore, but she can't even eat alphabet soup without choking on a D.
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Dirty Joke
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night." :)
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Dirty Joke
Hickory Dickory Dock, A whore Was sucking my cock, as the clock struck two I shot my goo and dropped the b*tch on the next block
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Comebacks Joke
My names not a dick so keep it out of your mouth ! WHORE!!
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Dirty Joke
Whore: Eww It Smells Like Fish In Here!
Me: Well Bitch Close Your Legs !
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Comebacks Joke
Whore: You're so ugly!
Me: Really?
Whore: Yes!
Me: Good, I was trying to look like you today.
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Redneck Joke
A teacher has a class full of rednecks. She asks someone to use the word 'Timbuktu' in a story.
A scrawny kid in the back raises his hand and recites proudly:
Tim and me, a hikin' we went,
Till we found three whores in a pitch-up tent.
They were three and we were two;
So I buck one and Tim buck two!
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Comebacks Joke
I am not saying she's a whore, but she's been pounded more than a mystery box in Mario
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Dirty Joke
If you see a whore on the street.
"What job centre did you go to?"
"F*uck of!"
"Oh, is that what they told you?"
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Racial Joke
How do you know when an Asian has been in your house?
Your computer is updated, your math homework is finished, there's a Vietnamese whore in your bathtub with a violin up her ass (thanks to a horny Chen Li), a dog in your microwave, and the bastard is still trying to pull out of your driveway!!!
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Dirty Joke
A little boy went to a whore house and asked to buy a girl for the night but first he asked do any of them had a disease the woman behind the counter replied no and he said thats bullshit my dad said amber has herpes she said I guess thats true he said well then good I'll take her last door on the right she replied the boy went to the room amber said why do you want me the boy said because then I'll get herpes and I'll have sex with my babysitter because she likes little boys my dad will take her home and f*ck her then he'll get herpes then he'll f*ck my mom and get herpes then she'll f*ck the mail man and he'll get herpes and hes the one who ran over my dog
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Dirty Joke
Boy: Did that hurt?
Girl: What?
Boy: When you fell off your whore tree and banged every guy on your way down?
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Dirty Joke
Twinkle Twinkle little whore
Close your legs your not a door
Your gonna catch an STD
Your only wanted cause your free
Twinkle Twinkle little whore Your cheaper than the dollar store
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Long Joke
There was this little boy about 10 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a whore house and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no. He said,"I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want!" Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with my baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, because that damn mailman is the son-of-a-bi*ch who ran over my FROG!"
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Short Joke
Q: Why cant whores count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a mouth full.
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Dirty Joke
I'm not saying she's a whore, but she's been pounded more times than the "i" in Pixar.
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Celebrities Joke
All these Miley Cyrus jokes are whoreable.
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Dirty Joke
I'm not saying you're a cum guzzling gutter whore... But that's definitely not a milk mustache!
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Comebacks Joke
Did it hurt when you fell of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down
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One Liners Joke
What did the normal oreo say to the double stuffed creamed one?
Whoreo.
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Dirty Joke
Twinkle twinkle little slut name a guy you have not f*cked was he small or was he tall oh wait you f*cked them all twinkle twinkle little whore close your legs your not a door
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One Liners Joke
Did It hurt when you fell down the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?
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Comebacks Joke
* Twinkle Twinkle little whore your at school not jersey shore
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Long Joke
Twinkle twinkle little whore
Your at school not jersey shore
Your a slutty orange mess
Please go find a longer dress
Twinkle twinkle little whore
Your still a f*cking and still want more
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Dirty Joke
Humpty Dumpty f*cked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor, all the kings horses and all the kings men, laid the b*tch down and f*cked her again.
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Blonde Joke
A Blonde's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten f*ck me again.
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Dirty Joke
I'm not saying she's a whore but she's been banged more time than a church bell
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Celebrities Joke
rate kick ass if you think miley cyrus should go to whore island
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Short Joke
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf, Jack got high and dropped his fly and Jill said "Where’s The Beef?" Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her arse Now his two front teeth are missing. Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock Cause Jill's real name is randy Jack and Jill went up the hill and did it in the water Jack slipped His condom ripped and they ended up having a daughter Jack And Jill Went up the hill So Jack could lick Jills fanny, all Jack got was a mouth fall of cock Cause Jills a f**king Tranny. Jack and Jill went up the hill Both with some marijuana Jack got high and Opened his fly And Jill said Iawanna HICKERY DICKERY DOC THIS BITCH WAS SUCKIN MY COCK THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO I DUMPED MY GOO AND DUMPED HER AT THE END OF THE BLOCK. Hickory dickory dock The homo sucked on a chock The chock shot cum The homo said "yum!" Hickory dickory dock Jack be nimble jack be quick jack jump over the candlestick, if jacks so nimble and jacks so quick why is he in the hospital with a lil burnt dick. Little Bow Peep had a sheep that she kept in her back yard. When she would pull down her panties, and show him her fanny, his little wooly ding dong would get hard! Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You ain't nothing but a hoe. U think you're cool, u think you're classy. Reality Check: You're really trashy. Mirror mirror on the wall, f*ck your lies, f*ck them all. I don't care what you say, I'm the shit all day, every day! The dirty looks, the jealous stares. The best part is, you think I CARE. Roll your eyes & talk your shit. Jealous b*tches make me sick. Jingle bells seniors smell, juniors all the way... sophmores suck cause they're all sluts and freshys have no say... HEY! Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard to fetch her poor dog a bone. But when she bent over, Rover took over And the b*tch got a bone of her own! Peter peter pumpkin eater had a wife loved to beat her smacked her twice across the head f*cked her ass and went to bed Sing a song of bum sex, An arse hole full of cum. 4 and 20 fat cocks forced up her bum, and when the ass was open her butt began to bleed, wasn't that a shitty dish to drop between her knees. The king was in the parlour moting out the wench. The queen was in the kitchen strumming on her bean. The maid was in the garden banging on her pussy, when down came a penis and squirted in her nose! Little bow peep f*cked a sheep blew a horse, licked his feet, she ate his ass so very nice tongued his balls not once but twice. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, He's an alcoholic and I am too, Whenever we go downtown The people always frown What a shame John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, Her clothes all tattered and torn. It wasn't the spider That crept up beside her, But Little Boy Blue and his horn. Humpty Dumpty f*cked a fat whore Humpty Dumpty f*cked her some more All the kings horses n all the kings men Bent the b*tch over and f*cked her again Yankee Doodle is a kid that just now had a baby, he stuck a penis up his ass until it made some gravy. Rapunzel Rapunzel CUT down your hair Cause oh ma word you are a rasta down stairs Your pussy's too hairy My dick's even scared Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet With her legs open wide Down came a spider Look right inside her and said damn that pussy's wide. little druggy sat in her buggy smoking a joint of weed along came a spider who sat down beside her and sold her a kilo of speed Heres the lil slut, short and stout, bend me over and i will shout, so lay me down and eat me out! In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue hit a rock, split his cock, and pissed all over the ocean blue (Row Row Your Boat) Suck suck suck a Dick Gently up and down One and two right near his ass Then he will Kum at last Jump hump on a dick, make it nice and stiff, once it's ready, open steady, make me moan and twitch. (Row Row Row Your Boat Animorphic Version) Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. 69 a porcupine. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Finger an orangutang. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Eat a grape, rape an ape. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Masturbate with a snake Sunning at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck Gently in the ass Roll around on the ground Until you cum at last! Mary Mary Quite Contrary Mary Mary quite contrary shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy. Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow I live in a flat you f*cking twat so how the f*ck should I know Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow With wizz and e’s and ganja trees and coke as white as snow Mary Mary quite contrary, how does your fanny cope, with pubic hair and cocks up there and spunk bubbles all in a row. Mary, Mary, guite contrary, How does your garden grow? With a tuft of hair, (you know where), And three pretty holes in a row! Roses Are Red Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad, I'll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you. Roses are red that much is true but violets are purple not f*cking blue. Roses are red. Sex is elementary. Let's call up a friend, And try double entry! Roses are red. Nuts are round. Skirts go up. Panties go down. Belly to belly. Skin to skin. When it's stiff, stick it in. If all are willing you'll get double billing. So, after one at each end you'll need time to mend. Roses are red. My mind is twisted. Bend over baby, Your about to get fisted. Roses are red ,lemons r sour, open your legs and give me and hour kissing is a habbit f*cking is a game guys get all the pleasure gurls get all the pain. 10 min of pleasure 9months of pain 3 days in the hospital a baby with no name the baby is a basturd the mother is a whore this wouldnt have happened if the rubber hadnt torn, sex is like math you subtract the clothes add the bed divide the legs and pray to go you dont multiply. roses are red grass is green open your legs and fill you with cream sex is evil sex is a sin sinns are your given so stick it in. roses are nice violets are fine ill be the 6 if you be the 9. eat me beat me bite me blow me f*ck me suck me very slowly if you like it dont be sassy just use your tongue and make it nasty Roses are red, Violets are blue, What I thought was vaseline, Turned out to be glue! Roses are red Violets are blue Im in love but not with you. You told your frieds that I was a trick. and I told my friends you have a weak dick. Roses are red, Poems are corny, the way you get down makes me feel horny! Roses are red Your blood is too you look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry I'll be there too. Not in the cage But laughing at you! Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, What the hell happened to you? Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle little slut, You Like Dick inside your butt. Twinkle Twinkle little whore, Close your legs, they're not a door Twinkle twinkle little b**ch, Close your legs it smells like fish "Twinkle twinkle little snitch, mind your own business you nosey b*tch. Twinkle Twinkle little slut Name a guy you haven't f*cked Is he skinny is he tall Nevermined you f*cked them all Twinkle twinkle little b*tch Close your legs They smell like fish Twinkle twinkle little whore, you're at school, not Jersey Shore. You're a slutty orange mess, please go find a longer dress! Twinkle, twinkle, little star Hey baby have you seen the backseat of my car With your legs up high I'll make you cry and make you forget where you are Twinkle twinkle little slut May I f*ck you in the butt Fuck you hard till you cum While I'm jizzin' in your bum Twinkle twinkle little slut Can I f*ck your precious cunt Twinkle twinkle little whore, you're cheaper than the dollar store. Twinkle twinkle little whore, I can't pay you anymore, its not cause I'm broke you see, its cause i like pussy free Mary Had A Little Lamb Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E Mary was a kiky slut and give them H.I.V Mary had a little lamb, His fleece all white and whispy, Along came foot and mouth disease, And now he's black and crispy. Mary had a little lamb it's fleece was black as charcoal. And everywhere that Mary went she'd kick it up the arsehole. Mary had a little lamb She also had a duck She put them on the mantle piece To see if they would f*ck Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. it followed her to school one day. between two slices of bread Dirty Rhymes When Shit goes down and sides are taken, you find out who was real and who was fakin. Everyone wants happiness. Nobody wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. She spends hours & hours fixing her hair, Just for the boy who will never care. Were all in the same game; just different levels Dealing with the same hell; just different devils U jerk; i dougie. ur cool; I'm epic. ur Fresh; I'm Fly. u Kid; i Joke. u walk; i swag. u dream; I believe. ur Different; I'm Original! I cared, you didn't. I cried, you laughed. I was hurt, you smiled. I moved on, you realized. Too late. Barney is a dinosaur With no imagination Shoved his finger up his arse And died of constipation Ashes to ashes dust to dust your pussy full of rust Wanted by many, taken by none, looking at some, but waiting for one. There once was a lass called Louise, whose cunt smelt like Limburger Cheese, she leaked so much grunge, that she purchased a sponge, that sopped up the muck to her knees. Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand. Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think. You call me a BITCH, Actually I'm beautiful SHIT, You think your all that, but your a SON OF A BITCH There once was a lady from ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She leant on her back Opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling Everyone's doing it doing it doing it Picking their nose and chewing it chewing it chewing it They think its some kind of candy but its snot Mother Fucker titty sucker two balled b*tch ping pong pussy and a rubber dick, Your daddy's got a dick like a rattle snake, your momma's got a pussy like a garden rake. I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast forward the bullshit. Rewind the memories. Words begin with ABC. Numbers begin with 123. Music begins with do, re, mi. And this love begins with you and me. "I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive. I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful." I'm strong cause I know my weaknesses. I'm alive because i'm a fighter. I'm wise because I've been foolish.I laugh because I've know sadness. I don’t hate you, I never will. I just act like I do, because it’s easier than admitting that I miss you. Bitch, please. Last time I checked, awesome ended with 'ME' and ugly started with 'u' She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying. She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying. There once was a girl by the name of Kim She had a Guy by the name of Jim Big fat balls and a hairy long dick Stuck it down her throat and made her sick She gagged and puked and gagged some more Yes sir e she is a whore Big fat tits and a hairy cunt to boot If you don't watch it she will set on your snoot Suck your head right up her twat Her ass is as big as a parking lot She died at the age of 26 Because she like to suck those dicks. Little John sat in the class, The teacher drew a cucumber on the white glass, She asked: " What is it? " Little John raised his hand, He answered: "A Dildo" Little John was sent out the class, And by came the principal. He asked Little John, Why he was not in class. Little John replied: "I really don't know" The principal brought John back in the class And yelled at the teacher: "Why is Little John out the class? And who drew a dildo on your white glass?" Thunder Buddies (Ted) When you hear the sound of thunder, dont you get too scared. Just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words: Fuck you, Thunder. You can suck my dick. You cant get me, Thunder, because you're just Gods farts.
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Dirty Joke
Twinkle twinkle little whore
Close your legs your not a door
People like you cause your free
I'ma laugh my ass off when you get an std
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Dirty Joke
What can't control their whore-moans
Sluts
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Dirty Joke
A guy goes to a whorehouse and tells the madam he only wants to spend 5 bucks. The madam thinks for a bit, then says, “Betsy. She’s down the hall, last door on the left.”
The guy walks down, sees Betsy — she’s not the best looking, but she would do. He puts it in and it’s the worst feeling he’s ever had on his dick — like sandpaper and teeth. He pulls out and tells her. “Um. something’s wrong, can you do something about that?” Betsy crinkles her face, then says, “Why of course! But it will run you another five bucks.” She pockets the fiver and goes to the bathroom and is back in no time.
The guy puts it back in and now, it’s the complete opposite: it’s the best feeling he’s ever had, and finishes in a flash. Panting, he asks her, “oh my god… that felt amazing… what did you do??” Betsy smiles, and says, “for the extra five bucks, I pick the scabs
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Dirty Joke
did you hear about the new porno movie "star whores". Its about a chick named princess lay-her . She gets banged all over the universe.
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Dirty Joke
Best way to answer the phone:
"Jack's whore house, you got the doe we got the hoe, how may I help you?"
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Puns Joke
The whore has come to save you
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Dirty Joke
Best way to answer the phone:
"Bob's whore house, you got the doe we got the hoe, how may I help you?"