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58 results for "little johnny"
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Long Joke
little johnny sat in the classroom. the teacher says class if you can tell me who said these quotes, ill let you leave early. who said four score and seven years ago? nancy beats johnny to it and shouts abe lincoln! the teacher says nancy you can leave. who said ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for you? john kennedy shouts out susan. the teacher says very good susan you can leave. johnny says i wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut. the teacher says WHO SAID THAT?! johnny said tiger woods! can i leave now?
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Long Joke
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
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Dirty Joke
One day a man lied down on a nude beach. Little Johnny comes up to the man, points to his penis and asks what it was. "Oh, that's my birdie." said the man. "Oh." little Johnny replies. The man fell asleep. When the man woke up, he found himself in the hospital. He looked around to find little Johnny at his bedside. "Hey kid, what happened?", asked the man. "Oh," says little Johnny. "I tried to pet your birdie. It tried to spit water at me, so I cracked it's eggs and burnt it's nest."
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Dirty Joke
Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night.
In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No."
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"
He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
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Long Joke
Little Johnny is outside in the back yard playing with his toy airplane. He takes it up in the air "rrrrrrrrrr" and brings it down for a landing, at which point he yells real loud "All you motherfuckers that wanna get off, get off. All you motherfuckers that wanna get on, get on." Well Johnnys mom is in the kitchen and hears him yell this. Shocked, Johnnys mom runs outside and tells Johnny to go to his room for 3 hours and think about what he's said. Pouting, johnny stomps to his room. 3 hours later Johnny comes out of his room and goes straight for his toy airplane in the back yard. He picks it up, flys it around a little and lands it. With mom listening closely from the window Johnny says "all you nice people that want to get off, get off. All you nice people that wanna get on, get on......and all you motherfuckers complaining about the 3 hour time delay, talk to the bitch in the kitchen.
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Dirty Joke
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself. These are my cookies!"
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Long Joke
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
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Short Joke
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."
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Anti-Humor Joke
If there are 3 apples and johnny takes 3, how many does johnny have? It doesn't matter, he was hit by a train
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Long Joke
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says,
"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
.....but I like your thinking."
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Racial Joke
A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home?
1st kid says, "A computer." Teacher replies "That'd be very useful"
2nd kid says "A new lawn mower." Teacher replies with a similar response...
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don"t need anything." The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something... Little Johnny replies, "Nope, i'm sure of it. Whenever my sister started going out with a NIGGER, i remember my dad saying, "Well, thats the last f*cking thing we need."
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Short Joke
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
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Short Joke
Teacher: How far have you gone with your homework
Lil Johnny: About ten kilometers Sir. I went home and came back with it.
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Dirty Joke
Little Johnny is in his closet when he hears a noise. His mom comes in and starts having sex with someone other than his dad. He hears a door slam and his mother say "Oh no, my husband his home! Quick! Hide in the closet." The man get in the closet and little johnny says "Dark in here isn't it?" The man is startled but then calms down. "Yes it is." "Do you want to buy my baseball glove?" "No." "I could go to my dad." "Fine. How much? "200$" Fine. This happens again later in the week. "Dark in here isn't it?" "Yes, yes it is." "Do you want to buy my baseball bat?" "How much?" "300$" A few days later his dad wants to play ball with him and tells him to go get his glove and bat. "I can't. I sold them to my friends." "For how much?" "500$" "That is way too much. I am taking you to church right now for a confession. They get to the church and little johnny gets in the booth. "Dark in here, isn't it?" The reverend says "Don't start that shit agin. Your in MY closet now."
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Long Joke
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!"
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Dirty Joke
Johnny's daddy is the principle of the school.
He saw his teacher leaving school.
Johnny: ''Hey miss where you going?''
Teacher: ''Home.''
Johnny: ''Can I come with?''
Teacher: '' No!''
Johnny: '' I'm gonna tell my daddy!''
Teacher: ''Fine.''
They arrive at the teachers house...
Teacher: ''Johnny i'm going to take a shower.''
Johnny: ''Can I come?''
Teacher:''No!''
Johnny: ''I'm gonna tell my daddy.''
Teacher:''Fine.''
They are in the shower...
Johnny: ''Can I touch your belly button?''
Teacher: ''No.''
Johnny: ''I'm gonna tell my daddy.''
Teacher: ''Fine.''
Teacher: ''Errr... Johnny thats not my belly button!''
Johnny: '' Thats not my finger.''
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Dirty Joke
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"
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Long Joke
Little Johnny was doing his work in math class, when his teacher chose him to answer a question.
Teacher: Johnny if there were four birds on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?
Johnny: None because the rest would fly off.
Teacher: The answer was 3, but I like the way you're thinking!
Johnny: Well I have a question for you! If there 3 girls at a ice cream shop, one was licking her cone, one was biting her cone, and one was sucking her cone, which one is married?
"Well" said the teacher nervously " I guess the one sucking her cone...
Johnny: No the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But, I like the way you're thinking!
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Dirty Joke
One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "b*tch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman."
The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats."
At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut."
A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello b*tches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas -- we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"
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Long Joke
Little Johnny was playing outside with his toy planes and figurines.
His mom was watching him, he was saying things as he was playing
He said, "all you motherf*ckers wanna get on, get on and all you motherf*ckers wanna get off, get off"
Johnny's mom heard all of what he just said and told him to go to his room for three hours. After three hours was up he went back outside with his planes he was saying things again, his mom was watching again
He said, "all of you nice people want to get on, get on and all of you nice people want to get off, get off and all of you motherf*ckers complaining about the three hour time delay, speak to the b*tch in the kitchen!
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Short Joke
Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."
The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"
Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs.". By -arthur
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Short Joke
Little Johnny was learning about government at school so his teacher told him to ask they're parents what the government is. Little Johnny asked his dad what the government was and his dad said that there is the president, congress, work force, people and the future. He explained that dad is president, mom is the congress, the maid is the work force, he is the people and his brother is the future. Johnny still didn't get it so his dad asked him to sleep and maybe by tomorrow he'll know what the government is. In the middle of the night little Johnny woke up because he heard his brother crying. He found out that he had pooed in his pants so he went to ask for help. His mom was asleep so he went downstairs to find his dad. His dad was having sex with the maid. "Now I know what the government is, the congress is asleep, the president is screwing the works force, know one cares about the people and the future is full of crap.
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Dirty Joke
“A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!”
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Long Joke
Little Johnny and Little Jack were playing the Penis game, a game where you shout 'penis' louder and louder.
Little Johnny: Wanna play the penis game?
Little Jack: Ok
Little Johnny: penis
Little Jack: Penis
Little Johnny: PEnis
Little Jack: PENis
Little Johnny: PENIS!
Teacher: LITTLE JOHNNY! GO TO THE FRONT OFFICE, NOW!
Little Johnny: Okay :(
--2 Minutes Later--
Little Johnny Over the Intercom: PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Dirty Joke
Little Johnny got home from school and told his mum " I just had my first sexual experience!"
His mum replied "I'm going to speak to your dad about this when he gets home. Go to your room." So little Johnny goes to his room.
When his dad gets home his mum tells him about little Johnny's first sexual experience.
His dad says "I won't get too angry at him because at his age, I was looking for my first sexual experience to."
When he gets to little Johnny's room he asks him "So how was it?"
Little Johnny replies it was Great! The only downside is my ass hurts."
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Dirty Joke
little johnny came from school one night to hear noises coming from his perants bedroom and he walked in to see his dad on top of his mom and he asked them what they were doing they replied baking a cake little johnny said to his pearants were you baking cakes last night as well they said yess little johnny replied: because i licked the icing off the couch
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Long Joke
Once little Johnny heard a grunting noise upstairs. He goes in his parents' room and sees them moving under the blanket . His dad comes out and says "Oh ! Son we were just wrestling ." Little Johnny says "Oh. I"LL BE HULK HOGAN!!" And dives in the bed.
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Dirty Joke
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn'tpaying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says,"No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!
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Dirty Joke
One day little Johnny came home from school and heard his mother crying in her room. He slowly opened the door and saw her rubbing herself and saying "Ohhhh I need a man", over and over. He closes the door and runs to his room. The next day when little Johnny gets home from school he is greeted by a strange man. Little Johhny immediately runs to his room takes off his pants and starts rubbing himself saying "Ohhhh I need a bike"
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Dirty Joke
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''
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Dirty Joke
Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job. Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A horny bastard!"
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Dirty Joke
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.
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Dirty Joke
Little Johnny was walking down the hallway, when he saw (unknown to him), his Father's Battery powered Dildo, laying on the bed! Daddy, Daddy, what's that little Little Johnny said? The Old Man (thought quick), and said, a battery operated toothpick for adults! Little Johnny asked why is it so long? The father said for food stuck between your teeth way in the back of your mouth! Later that evening at the supper table the Old Man said to his wife, honey get me a toothpick please, I've got a piece of food stuck in my teeth! Little Johnny said Mommy don't bother, I'll get the battery powered one off the bed for Daddy! Mommy said don't bother Johnny, I've already used it!
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Long Joke
little johnny's teacher was warned before the start of school to never make a bet with him. she understood. school started and little johnny bet his teacher 50$ that he could guess what color underware she had on. she said " ok after class come to to me and tell me your guess. he said ok. during class the teacher slipped out to the bathroom and removed her underware. after class little johnny told his teacher his quess. he said blue. she said nope i aint got none on. she hiked up her skirt to show him. he said ok here is your money, but its fine i bet my dad 100$ that i could see your pussy by the end of the day.
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Short Joke
Teacher: Why are you talking?
Little Johnny: Well God gave me a mouth so I'm allowed to use it.
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One Liners Joke
little johnny tells his mom"mom Billys penis is like a peanut" the mom says "what do you mean he has the size of one or its looks like one" johnny says "its salty". kickass if you get it
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Long Joke
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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Dirty Joke
Teacher: Johnny what is one thing you want to do before you graduate and go off to college?
Johnny: Oh Fuck You!
Teacher: I would say sure meet me at 6 but, I really don't want to get some type of STD.
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Short Joke
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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Comebacks Joke
Johnny: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not
Johnny: oh good because I didn't do my homework.
#Awesome Comback
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Dirty Joke
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Little Johnny isn't paying attention so she asks him this, "If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one how many are left." Johnny says none. The teacher asks why. "Because the shot scared them off" says Johnny. Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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Long Joke
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough." his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go f*ck yourself.
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Chuck Norris Joke
Jewish Mom: Johnny, suck a dick!
Johnny: Okay mom thanx LOL.
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Long Joke
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.
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Long Joke
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?" Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
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Long Joke
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
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Short Joke
Teacher: Little Johnny, can you go to the map and find Madagascar?
Little Johnny: It's here Miss. (points to Madagascar)
Teacher: Well done! Now class, who discovered Madagascar?
Class: Johnny.
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Dirty Joke
Dad: Son, I think's it's time we talked about the birds and the bees
Johnny: NOO! When I was 6 you told me the Easter Bunny is fake. When I was 8, you told me Santa is fake. If your telling me adults don't really f*ck, I don't wanna hear it
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Dirty Joke
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”
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Short Joke
One day little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. “Whatcha doin?” he asked.
Johnny replies, “My goldfish died and I`m burying him.”
“That`s an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain`t it?” asked the neighbor.
Johnny shot back, “That`s because he`s inside your fcukin` cat!!!
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Comebacks Joke
An old man walks onto a bus one day. All the seats are full, so he has to stand and balance himself on his cane. The bus hits a bump and the rubber tip of his cane breaks off and he falls. Little Johnny, seated nearby, says to him, "Sir, you have to pull the rubber over the tip more carefully!" The man replies, "If your dad had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this damn bus!"
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Long Joke
Little Johnny sat silently at the back of the class, along with his fellow students. His teacher began discussing vocabulary. She asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary raised her hand and said, 'I went to the beach yesterday, and the sea was fascinating'.
The teacher replied, 'Good attempt, Mary, but I want "fascinate", not "fascinating"'.
Harry waved his hand and stated, 'We visited Grandpa's farm yesterday and I was fascinated.'
Ms Davids shook her head. 'The word is "fascinate", but good try.'
Little Johnny waved his hand wildly at the teacher. "My aunt bought a new 10-button shirt the other day, but her boobs are too big and she can only fasten eight'. XD
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Short Joke
Teacher: Little Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?
Johnny: No, teacher, it's just like Santa Claus. I know he's really my dad
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Comebacks Joke
Johnny:Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
Dad: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it
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Dirty Joke
Little Johnny walked in on his parents doing it. "What are you doing" he asked. The father quickly replied, "Oh, I'm playing cards. Your mother is my wild card." "Oh, ok" Johnny replied. The next day, Johnny walks in to a room to find his father masturbating. He says, "What are you doing". "Oh playing cards again" the father replied. "But wheres your wild card" Johnny asked. His father looks at him seriously and says, "Son, you don't need a wild card if you have a good hand"
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Dirty Joke
In First Grade
Teacher : "Johnny what's the answer to 1+1?"
Unfortunately, the bell rings. The teacher tells johnny it's his homework..
At Home
Johnny : "Daddy.. what's 1+1?" (mom and dad were fighting)
Daddy : "F**k you!"
Johnny : "Brother, what's 1+1?" (brother is learning karate)
Brother : "Can't touch dis!"
Johnny : "Sister, what's 1+1?" (sister is reading the newspapers)
Sister : "Donald Trump, President of the US!
Johnny : "Grandma, what's 1+1?" (grandma is letting guests in)
Grandma : "But it's cold outside!"
Johnny was tired... so he went to sleep...
The Next Morning
Teacher : "Johhny, what's 1+1?"
Johnny : "F**k you!"
Teacher : "I'll slap you!" (hand reaches forard)
Johnny : (blocks hand) "Can't touch dis!
Teacher : Who taught you that?
Johnny : Donald Trump, President of the US!
Teacher : "Get out!"
Johnny : "But it's cold outside!"
Teacher : #!!??%#&%&?!
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Celebrities Joke
So did you hear about Johnny Depp's new upcoming movie? It's about bird-watching and called: "Parrots of the Caribbean"
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Short Joke
20 years ago we had
Bob Hope
Steve Jobs and
Johnny Cash
Now we have no
Hope
Jobs or
Cash
Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!