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38 results for "dirty"
One Liners JokeIm not saying she's a slut, I'm just saying I've seen her vagina on dirty jobs.
Dirty JokeDear Husband,
I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me.
Dirty JokeBlack ops 2 dirty joke for a girl:
I get more first bloods than a seventh grade girls bathroom!
Dirty JokeFriend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.
Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit.
Friend: Ok I can see it...
Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there.
Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this.
Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off. She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you.
Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl.
Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you. And then... she starting shitting in you. Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet.
Friend: I hate you...
Dirty JokeMy wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her.
Dirty JokeMe: If I washed my dick would you suck it?
Me: You dirty cock sucker
Dirty Joke69% of people find something dirty in every sentence
Dirty JokeFirend: tell me a clean joke.
Me: ok, i took a bath with bubbles.
Friend: now tell me a dirty joke.
Me: ok, bubbles is the girl next door. ;)
Short JokeI was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog shit. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same thing. I said to him, "I just did that." So, he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
Short JokeHow to make anything sound dirty:
1. Think of a compund word. ex. Butterfly
2. Split the word up and use the first word in the first space. You get the idea.
I'll ___ your ____. Ex. I'll butter your fly
Dirty JokeDo you want to hear a clean joke?
I'm taking a bath with bubbles.
Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles is the girl next door.
Dirty JokeHow fast can you guess these words?
1._ _ _ k
You didn't get them right you dirty minded slut!
Long JokeMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Short JokeMe: Hey want to hear a dirty joke
Friend: Sure Me: A pig fell in the mud
Puns JokeThieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.
Dirty Jokewanna hear a clean joke...
bob took a bath with bubbles
Wanna hear a dirty joke...
bubbles was a man
Dirty JokeWhat's long thick and has cum in it A cucumber u dirty minded slut
Dirty JokeTop ten reasons hockey is better than women
1. In hockey, everyone likes it rough
2. You only get five minutes for fighting
3. 'Puck' is not a dirty word
4. You don't have to play in the neutral zone
5. It is possible to score a few times in a night
6. When you 'pull the goalie' nobody get pregnant
7. Missing teeth doesn't stop you from scoring
8. You can alway get new wood when your stick breaks
9. The zamboni gets to clean up the mess
10. Periods only last 20 minuets
11. You can share and rate this kickass
Yo Momma JokeYO MAMA IS LIKE A BRICK.
SHE FLAT ON BOTH SIDES
AND SHE GET LAID BY MEXICAN.
What do spaghetti and blondes have in common?
They both squirm when you eat them
Dirty JokeGuess the words as fast as you can!
1. F_ _ k
5. _ _ ndom
Puns JokeDirty Places
Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Assonet (Massachusetts, USA)
Bastardstown (County Wexford, Ireland)
Bear Butte (South Dakota, USA)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Beaver Lick Baptist Church (11460 US Hwy 42; Union, KY 41091-9483;USA)
Big Bone Lick State Park (Kentucky, south of Cincinnati; USA)
Bonar Bridge (Scotland)
Brown Willy (Cornwall,UK)
Bumpass Creek (Alabama, USA)
Butte City (Idaho, USA)
Butt's Corner (New York, USA)
Chinaman's Knob (Australia)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Climax Springs (Missouri, USA)
Cocksgag (Ohio, USA)
Cocke County (Tennessee, USA)
Devil's Dyke (United Kingdom)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic)
Effin (Limerick, Ireland)
Erect (Randolph County, North Carolina, USA)
Fairy Glen (Saskatchewan, Canada)
Fanny Bay (Australia)
Fertile (Iowa, USA)
Flasher (North Dakota, USA)
Fucking (Part of the municipality of Tarsdorf, in the Innviertel region of Upper Austria)
Frenchman Butte (Saskatchewan, Canada)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukui (Honshu, Japan)
Gayhead Island (Martha's Vineyard, MA.....yes there is a ferry to Gayhead Island)
Gaylordsville (Connecticut, USA)
Gassville (Arkansas, USA)
Gnaw Bone (Indiana, USA)
Hardup (Utah, USA)
Hell (Michigan, USA)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Hookersville (West Virginia, USA)
Humptulips (Washington, USA)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Kisslegg (Bavaria, Germany)
Knob Lick (Kentucky, USA)
Koksoak River (Canada)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Lick Run (Pennsylvania, USA)
Little Dix Village (West Indies)
Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
Moorhead (Mississippi, USA)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Naked City (Indiana, USA)
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Onenut (California, USA)
Packwood (Iowa, USA)
Penisthorpe (England, recently changed to Pensthorpe) Penistone (South Yorkshire, UK)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Shafter (California, USA)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Slackbottom (Yorkshire, UK)
Smuts (Saskatchewan, Canada)
Smackover (Arkansas, USA)
Tingley (Iowa, USA)
Titisee (Freiburg, Germany)
Tong Fuk (Japan)
Top Ryde (New South Wales, Australia)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)
Dirty JokeAnant bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at his redneck neighbours: …
DAD : Son where were you today during school hours?
SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies! DAD : Which one?
SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching porno.
DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno! (robot slaps dad)
MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)
Short JokeJack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf, Jack got high and dropped his fly and Jill said "Where’s The Beef?" Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her arse Now his two front teeth are missing. Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock Cause Jill's real name is randy Jack and Jill went up the hill and did it in the water Jack slipped His condom ripped and they ended up having a daughter Jack And Jill Went up the hill So Jack could lick Jills fanny, all Jack got was a mouth fall of cock Cause Jills a f**king Tranny. Jack and Jill went up the hill Both with some marijuana Jack got high and Opened his fly And Jill said Iawanna HICKERY DICKERY DOC THIS BITCH WAS SUCKIN MY COCK THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO I DUMPED MY GOO AND DUMPED HER AT THE END OF THE BLOCK. Hickory dickory dock The homo sucked on a chock The chock shot cum The homo said "yum!" Hickory dickory dock Jack be nimble jack be quick jack jump over the candlestick, if jacks so nimble and jacks so quick why is he in the hospital with a lil burnt dick. Little Bow Peep had a sheep that she kept in her back yard. When she would pull down her panties, and show him her fanny, his little wooly ding dong would get hard! Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You ain't nothing but a hoe. U think you're cool, u think you're classy. Reality Check: You're really trashy. Mirror mirror on the wall, f*ck your lies, f*ck them all. I don't care what you say, I'm the shit all day, every day! The dirty looks, the jealous stares. The best part is, you think I CARE. Roll your eyes & talk your shit. Jealous b*tches make me sick. Jingle bells seniors smell, juniors all the way... sophmores suck cause they're all sluts and freshys have no say... HEY! Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard to fetch her poor dog a bone. But when she bent over, Rover took over And the b*tch got a bone of her own! Peter peter pumpkin eater had a wife loved to beat her smacked her twice across the head f*cked her ass and went to bed Sing a song of bum sex, An arse hole full of cum. 4 and 20 fat cocks forced up her bum, and when the ass was open her butt began to bleed, wasn't that a shitty dish to drop between her knees. The king was in the parlour moting out the wench. The queen was in the kitchen strumming on her bean. The maid was in the garden banging on her pussy, when down came a penis and squirted in her nose! Little bow peep f*cked a sheep blew a horse, licked his feet, she ate his ass so very nice tongued his balls not once but twice. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, He's an alcoholic and I am too, Whenever we go downtown The people always frown What a shame John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, Her clothes all tattered and torn. It wasn't the spider That crept up beside her, But Little Boy Blue and his horn. Humpty Dumpty f*cked a fat whore Humpty Dumpty f*cked her some more All the kings horses n all the kings men Bent the b*tch over and f*cked her again Yankee Doodle is a kid that just now had a baby, he stuck a penis up his ass until it made some gravy. Rapunzel Rapunzel CUT down your hair Cause oh ma word you are a rasta down stairs Your pussy's too hairy My dick's even scared Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet With her legs open wide Down came a spider Look right inside her and said damn that pussy's wide. little druggy sat in her buggy smoking a joint of weed along came a spider who sat down beside her and sold her a kilo of speed Heres the lil slut, short and stout, bend me over and i will shout, so lay me down and eat me out! In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue hit a rock, split his cock, and pissed all over the ocean blue (Row Row Your Boat) Suck suck suck a Dick Gently up and down One and two right near his ass Then he will Kum at last Jump hump on a dick, make it nice and stiff, once it's ready, open steady, make me moan and twitch. (Row Row Row Your Boat Animorphic Version) Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. 69 a porcupine. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Finger an orangutang. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Eat a grape, rape an ape. Orgy at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Masturbate with a snake Sunning at the zoo. Fuck, f*ck, f*ck a duck Gently in the ass Roll around on the ground Until you cum at last! Mary Mary Quite Contrary Mary Mary quite contrary shaved her pussy cause it was so damn hairy. Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow I live in a flat you f*cking twat so how the f*ck should I know Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow With wizz and e’s and ganja trees and coke as white as snow Mary Mary quite contrary, how does your fanny cope, with pubic hair and cocks up there and spunk bubbles all in a row. Mary, Mary, guite contrary, How does your garden grow? With a tuft of hair, (you know where), And three pretty holes in a row! Roses Are Red Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't be mad, I'll be there too. Not in the cage but laughing at you. Roses are red that much is true but violets are purple not f*cking blue. Roses are red. Sex is elementary. Let's call up a friend, And try double entry! Roses are red. Nuts are round. Skirts go up. Panties go down. Belly to belly. Skin to skin. When it's stiff, stick it in. If all are willing you'll get double billing. So, after one at each end you'll need time to mend. Roses are red. My mind is twisted. Bend over baby, Your about to get fisted. Roses are red ,lemons r sour, open your legs and give me and hour kissing is a habbit f*cking is a game guys get all the pleasure gurls get all the pain. 10 min of pleasure 9months of pain 3 days in the hospital a baby with no name the baby is a basturd the mother is a whore this wouldnt have happened if the rubber hadnt torn, sex is like math you subtract the clothes add the bed divide the legs and pray to go you dont multiply. roses are red grass is green open your legs and fill you with cream sex is evil sex is a sin sinns are your given so stick it in. roses are nice violets are fine ill be the 6 if you be the 9. eat me beat me bite me blow me f*ck me suck me very slowly if you like it dont be sassy just use your tongue and make it nasty Roses are red, Violets are blue, What I thought was vaseline, Turned out to be glue! Roses are red Violets are blue Im in love but not with you. You told your frieds that I was a trick. and I told my friends you have a weak dick. Roses are red, Poems are corny, the way you get down makes me feel horny! Roses are red Your blood is too you look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry I'll be there too. Not in the cage But laughing at you! Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, What the hell happened to you? Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle little slut, You Like Dick inside your butt. Twinkle Twinkle little whore, Close your legs, they're not a door Twinkle twinkle little b**ch, Close your legs it smells like fish "Twinkle twinkle little snitch, mind your own business you nosey b*tch. Twinkle Twinkle little slut Name a guy you haven't f*cked Is he skinny is he tall Nevermined you f*cked them all Twinkle twinkle little b*tch Close your legs They smell like fish Twinkle twinkle little whore, you're at school, not Jersey Shore. You're a slutty orange mess, please go find a longer dress! Twinkle, twinkle, little star Hey baby have you seen the backseat of my car With your legs up high I'll make you cry and make you forget where you are Twinkle twinkle little slut May I f*ck you in the butt Fuck you hard till you cum While I'm jizzin' in your bum Twinkle twinkle little slut Can I f*ck your precious cunt Twinkle twinkle little whore, you're cheaper than the dollar store. Twinkle twinkle little whore, I can't pay you anymore, its not cause I'm broke you see, its cause i like pussy free Mary Had A Little Lamb Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E Mary was a kiky slut and give them H.I.V Mary had a little lamb, His fleece all white and whispy, Along came foot and mouth disease, And now he's black and crispy. Mary had a little lamb it's fleece was black as charcoal. And everywhere that Mary went she'd kick it up the arsehole. Mary had a little lamb She also had a duck She put them on the mantle piece To see if they would f*ck Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. it followed her to school one day. between two slices of bread Dirty Rhymes When Shit goes down and sides are taken, you find out who was real and who was fakin. Everyone wants happiness. Nobody wants pain. But you can't have a rainbow without a little rain. She spends hours & hours fixing her hair, Just for the boy who will never care. Were all in the same game; just different levels Dealing with the same hell; just different devils U jerk; i dougie. ur cool; I'm epic. ur Fresh; I'm Fly. u Kid; i Joke. u walk; i swag. u dream; I believe. ur Different; I'm Original! I cared, you didn't. I cried, you laughed. I was hurt, you smiled. I moved on, you realized. Too late. Barney is a dinosaur With no imagination Shoved his finger up his arse And died of constipation Ashes to ashes dust to dust your pussy full of rust Wanted by many, taken by none, looking at some, but waiting for one. There once was a lass called Louise, whose cunt smelt like Limburger Cheese, she leaked so much grunge, that she purchased a sponge, that sopped up the muck to her knees. Before you assume, learn. Before you judge, understand. Before you hurt, feel. Before you say, think. You call me a BITCH, Actually I'm beautiful SHIT, You think your all that, but your a SON OF A BITCH There once was a lady from ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She leant on her back Opened her crack and pissed all over the ceiling Everyone's doing it doing it doing it Picking their nose and chewing it chewing it chewing it They think its some kind of candy but its snot Mother Fucker titty sucker two balled b*tch ping pong pussy and a rubber dick, Your daddy's got a dick like a rattle snake, your momma's got a pussy like a garden rake. I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast forward the bullshit. Rewind the memories. Words begin with ABC. Numbers begin with 123. Music begins with do, re, mi. And this love begins with you and me. "I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive. I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful." I'm strong cause I know my weaknesses. I'm alive because i'm a fighter. I'm wise because I've been foolish.I laugh because I've know sadness. I don’t hate you, I never will. I just act like I do, because it’s easier than admitting that I miss you. Bitch, please. Last time I checked, awesome ended with 'ME' and ugly started with 'u' She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying. She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she's just really good at lying. There once was a girl by the name of Kim She had a Guy by the name of Jim Big fat balls and a hairy long dick Stuck it down her throat and made her sick She gagged and puked and gagged some more Yes sir e she is a whore Big fat tits and a hairy cunt to boot If you don't watch it she will set on your snoot Suck your head right up her twat Her ass is as big as a parking lot She died at the age of 26 Because she like to suck those dicks. Little John sat in the class, The teacher drew a cucumber on the white glass, She asked: " What is it? " Little John raised his hand, He answered: "A Dildo" Little John was sent out the class, And by came the principal. He asked Little John, Why he was not in class. Little John replied: "I really don't know" The principal brought John back in the class And yelled at the teacher: "Why is Little John out the class? And who drew a dildo on your white glass?" Thunder Buddies (Ted) When you hear the sound of thunder, dont you get too scared. Just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words: Fuck you, Thunder. You can suck my dick. You cant get me, Thunder, because you're just Gods farts.
Dirty JokeSomeone asked me,'In the scale of 1 to 100, how dirty are you?' I replied, '69'.
Dirty JokeRoses are red, violets are blue, suck me off, and I will suck you, touch me right there, touch him to, it's not a black person, its a dirty Jew.
Dirty JokeSixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted.
She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand.
"Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson.
"Ma'am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you."
Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
Dirty JokeIn and Out.
Long and short.
Big and small.
Hard and soft.
Suck and blow.
Spit and swallow.
Love and hate.
Boy and girls
Dicks and pussies.
Hope you like Dirty opposites. :D btw This has happened.
Dirty JokeYou wanna hear a dirty joke?
A man rolled in mud.
Now wanna hear a clean joke?
The man took a bath with Bubbles.
Wanna hear another dirty joke?
Bubbles was his neighbor.
Dirty JokeBoy: Wanna hear a dirty joke
Boy: My too do list : You
Girl: Finish your list then.
Dirty JokeWhat's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? It's not what you think you dirty slut! it is just a $100 bill.
Dirty JokeDig Bick
You dirty minded slut, bet you read that wrong.
Dirty JokeI Bet You Can't Guess These Words
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1= Fork
Dirty JokeThe ads on this website are dirty ass
Dirty JokeYour house so dirty the roaches ride around in dune buggies. I came over and one tripped me and a rat stole my wallet. Shit
Dirty JokeI was gonna make a dirty joke. Butt f*ck it
Yo Momma JokeYo mamas so dirty shes uses S.O.S pads instead of soap.
Dirty JokeI bought stuff from "Dirty foods", and got creamy penis butter and pube juice.