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Parents: "You need to stop watching TV, and read more!"
Me: *turns on subtitles*
Guy: My dick is the same size as the titanic!Me: oh so you mean it sunk?
Guy #1: I did your mom last night.Guy #2: Okay.Guy #1: We cool?Guy #2: No, we're even.
Kid: Your a asshole
Me: If there wasn't not assholes like me there wouldn't be shit like you