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why do midgets laugh while running through the yard?
The grass tickles their nuts
Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.I'm taking this shit to a whole new level.
Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate.
U R 6 C I 1 2 4 Q
Rate kickass if you get it !
Why name hurricanes lame names, like Sandy? Name that shit Hurricane Death Megatron 300 and I guarantee niggas be evacuating like they need to.
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.
I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs.
Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
If you force sex on a prostitute is it rape or shoplifting?
Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally.
I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"Fucking b*tch.
For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis.
I swear to drunk I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables.
Sometimes I like to hide my wife's inhaler so the neighbors think I'm a stallion when they hear her panting "Give it to me!
I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
Olympic track makes you feel like you witnesed a crime, because you hear a gunshot and then see a bunch of black guys hauling ass.
You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish