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You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
why do midgets laugh while running through the yard?
The grass tickles their nuts
U R 6 C I 1 2 4 Q
Rate kickass if you get it !
Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.I'm taking this shit to a whole new level.
I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate.
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
Lazy People Fact #5812672793You were too lazy to read that number.
Kickass this if you like titties
Roses are redThat part is trueBut violets are purpleNot f*cking blue
Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
Why name hurricanes lame names, like Sandy? Name that shit Hurricane Death Megatron 300 and I guarantee niggas be evacuating like they need to.
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.
I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles.
Sometimes I like to hide my wife's inhaler so the neighbors think I'm a stallion when they hear her panting "Give it to me!