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You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
why do midgets laugh while running through the yard?
The grass tickles their nuts
Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.I'm taking this shit to a whole new level.
U R 6 C I 1 2 4 Q
Rate kickass if you get it !
Whenever you get mad, just think of a t-rex trying to masturbate.
Why name hurricanes lame names, like Sandy? Name that shit Hurricane Death Megatron 300 and I guarantee niggas be evacuating like they need to.
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'.
I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!
I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles.
Sometimes I like to hide my wife's inhaler so the neighbors think I'm a stallion when they hear her panting "Give it to me!
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are... you have small boobs.
Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
I'll change my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts,and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
It's funny how axe handles are made of wood.It's like the ultimate 'Fuck you' to trees.
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.
You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
If you force sex on a prostitute is it rape or shoplifting?
Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.