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The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.
People who say they suffer from constipation are full of shit.
Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.
It's not that the man didn't know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.All I did was take a day off.
To the guy who invented Zero:
Thanks for nothing!
There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth, then it just becomes a soap opera.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.My next crap could spell disaster.
Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.
Enough with the cripple jokes!...I just can't stand them.
Is google a woman?
Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.
I was going to make a gay joke, butt f*ck it.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink
Say 'addicted' after everything I ask:What is someone who does drugs?What is someone who drinks?What hit you in the face last night?Addicted
When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.